Blood Moon
by jadecullens22
Summary: Story takes place when leaving Volterra. James is back. And this time, wherever he goes, Bella follows. And how will Edward feel when Bella leaves by her choosing?Will he go back to the Volturi begging for death, or will he save Bella from a terrible fate
1. Getting started

CHAPTER ONE

I took one last look at his beautiful face. I honestly didn't know how I was going to pull this off. I really didn't think I could. It almost killed me when Edward left me, and now I'm doing the same thing to him. The only thing that keeps me going is the fact that I love him, and I have to keep him and his family safe. No matter what the cost for me. I know I promised myself that I already had my last look at Edward, but I snuck another peek anyway. The light of the festival lanterns reflected off his skin and made his perfect features glow. As I was studying his face he suddenly looked down at me, the corner of his mouth tugged up in that adorable half-smile I knew so well. For a moment I forgot what I was about to do. How in mere seconds, I would break both our hearts, and turn that crooked half smile into a permanent frown. These thoughts must have shown in my face because Edward's look of happiness soon turned into troubled concern and Edward asked " Bella, what's wrong?"

That moment I almost burst into tears. I just wanted to tell Edward the truth, and save us from all the hurt that I was sure that I was about to cause, but I reminded myself of the whole formation of this plan in the first place. I couldn't let Jasper, Carlisle, Esme, Alice, Emmet, Edward, and even Rosalie- I couldn't make myself think the word. I just kept my mind on my goal and my eyes straightforward; I managed to respond with a cold, short, "Nothing."

But Edward who knew me much better than to assume that after being reunited with him, and luckily escaping with our lives from the three most powerful vampires ever again asked, more demanding this time " Bella, what's wrong?"

All right, show time, I told myself. Time to speak the words that you'll regret for the rest of your life.

" What would you care?" I muttered loud enough for him to hear.

"What did you say?" he asked.

This, I knew, was merely an expression of disbelief. Seeing as Edward, being a vampire had a fine hearing ability.

"I said, what would you care?" I repeated, this time nearly shouting. " From your past actions of getting involved with me and having me love you, and then just picking up and running off with hardly a word in warning. That just kind of makes me think that you wouldn't care about anything that happened to me anymore. And what really makes me sick is the fact that you _knew_ that you were going to have to leave eventually, you _knew_ how much it was going to hurt me, and yet you still allowed me to come to care for you!" Edward's expression turned from concern, to confusion, to horror. What amazed me though, was that what I said, even though told to lie, was partially true.

"Bella," he said his voice no longer its velvety calm, but stricken with a mixture of grief and fear as if he could anticipate what could happen next, said "you don't really think that, do you? That I wouldn't care about anything that happened to you?"

"Oh this is exactly what I think Edward." I responded loudly. We had stopped walking now and with a quick glance around, I saw that we were now in the parking lot, deserted of people. " I don't want to go through the agonizing pain every time you think you have to _protect me._ Do you have any idea of how many questiions raced through my head, all of the answers pointing to the fact that you didn't love me after all? That you were just lying all the time?" I spat the words out as if I couldn't wait to be rid of them. " I don't want to have to live my life not knowing if I'm going wake up one morning and find out that you're gone, or if you even wanted to be here in the first place!" Edward started to respond but I cut him off. " If you honestly think that I need protection and that you can't at least tell me the truth about anything then I'm not sure, no, I know that I don't want to be with you anymore." At this I saw an expression of horror cross Edward's face as if his worst fear had come to life. I heard Alice gasp behind me. "Bella, please," his voice surprisingly came out in a strangled wail filled with desperation.

" I'm sorry Edward, but it's the truth." I let my voice become softer now. It was the only comfort I could give him. If _only_ he knew how much this was killing me. I felt the telltale stinging in my eyes warning me that I was going to burst out in tears soon. Miraculously, I was able to keep my eyes dry and my faced etched into an expression of cold hate. I tore my gaze away from Edward's grief stricken face when I heard that perfect but sickening voice in my head.

_Good Bella. _It encouraged. _I'll be there soon, so finish it off. _

People had stopped staring as our voices had returned to our normal volumes, but Alice firmly put her hand on my shoulder and said "Bella please, just think about this."

" Oh believe me Alice," I responded, locking my eyes again with Edward's perfect topaz ones. "I have."

"Bella please," Edward whispered. "I can't lose you again. I love you." At this I almost lost all of my control. It wasn't fair what I was doing to Edward. He _did_ love me. More than words could ever say, and I was throwing it all away because I thought I had to be the hero. In fact, it was not only selfish, but also stupid. But it's not stupid, I told myself. It's to keep the Cullen's alive. I can't blow it right now.

Regardless of this thought, looking at Edward's face, feeling Alice's comforting hand on my shoulder, I opened my mouth to tell them the truth. Until the Voice uttered a single word of warning into my head. _Bella. _Was all that it said.

So, instead of telling them the truth, I said "I wish I could say the same for you, Edward."

We were still staring at each other, my face cold and expressionless, and his deeply pained and twisted with remorse, when the roar of a motorcycle was heard a short distance away.

In just a matter of seconds, a black Harley pulled up behind me. Alice, sensing something wrong, and was it ever, moved from my side and stood next to Edward. Edward's face became frustrated as he, I'm sure, realized that he couldn't read the mind of the figure that just pulled up.

The figure dismounted from his motorcycle and took Alice's place beside me, sliding his right arm around my waist. Edward's expression changed from shock to rage accommodated by an audible growl as the figure took off his helmet and held it loosely in his left hand. Alice's expression changed from pity to shock and just stayed that way.

"Surprised, I see" James said with a smirk.

While Edward and Alice were still staring, their mouths gaping wide, James swept down and planted a long kiss on my lips.


	2. Painful lies

Author's note: hey! This is my first fan-fic; I hope I made a decent first chapter. Thank you to my first reviewers, I am so going to keep on with this story. Sorry if it takes too long in between updates. My life is kinda busy right now, but this is one of my top priorities. Please review!

**Disclamer: I do not own Twilight or any of its components, sadly.**

Before I knew it, James had dropped his helmet, removed his lips from mine, and was fighting off an attack from Edward. I was rooted to the ground in fear for a moment, watching the vicious encounter between the two enraged vampires. It was Edward's fierce growl that brought me back to my senses. Although my body was still frozen in place, my eyes were able to survey the scene in front of me. Edward and James were practically tearing each other to shreds, making quite a racket out of it too. Alice had her face scrunched up, desperately trying to send messages to Edward, to tell him to stop fighting, she must have seen him losing, but nothing could stop Edward now. There was no message that could persuade him to not try to kill the being that took me from him.

I, however, knew that I needed to come up with some sort of persuading message, or the fight would go on to the death, and Edward, would be the loser. But what could make them stop? From even looking on at the fight for a few seconds, you could tell that no supernatral force could stop the two vampires. That's when it occured to me: no _super_natrual force could stop them, but maybe a plain natural one could. This, of course meant I would have to throw myself inbetween the two vampires, but anything to save Edward.

James, of course, knew what I was thinking, and by the way his mood felt, I could tell he agreed with my plan. Just as I was about to tell Edward to stop for his own safety, Jame's voice came into my head:

_Don't say that Bella. You don't want him to think that you still care about him do you? Because if you did, things could get a bit messy very quickly. And could you hurry it up please? I'm starting to get bored._

With no choice but to obey James's instructions, I quickly rephrased my words in my head, and shouted them out.

"Edward," I shouted, " stop it! You're hurting James!"

Edward was on top of James hands wrapped firmly around his neck, squeezing tighter every second, and at the sound of my comment, a look of surprise, and then hurt came across his face.

Edward slowly took his hands away from Jame's throat, and then ran over to Alice's side, the look of hurt never leaving his face. As much as I wanted to run to Edward's side and breathe in his scent, to hold him tightly and never let go, I knew that in order to uphold my charade, I needed to go over and support James who was standing up and dusting off his pants.

So, I made a look of pure concern go onto my face, the look I would've given to Edward, and made myself runn over to James. He had a couple of scratches, and a bloody lip, quickly healing, but nothing else, proving his newfound agility, strength and skill. Edward's saddened eyes never left me as I put my hand up to James's face, stroking his healing cheek, inwardly shuddering at the action.

_Bella, as much as I'm enjoying this, we can't just stand here fondling eachother all day. Say something final so we can get out of here._

I was about to start shouting at Edward, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I hesitated.

_Bella. _That evily sweet voice warned. That was all I needed to hear. I could guess what would happen if I didn't proceed to hurt Edward. James would.

Using every ounce of courage I had, I spun around from James, facing Edward across the parking lot and proceeded with the shouting, tearing myself up more and more with every word I spoke, being cheered on by the Voice every step of the way.

" What were you thinking?!" I shouted at Edward, trying to lace my words with venom. " You could have killed James! Do you have any idea how much that would hurt me?"

" Bella I-"

" I don't want to hear it, Edward!" I cut him off. " I don't know what you were thinking, but I do know that you are never going to do something as stupid as that again!"

This time, Edward didn't try to interrupt me through my speech. He simply shut his mouth displaying an expression of hurt mingling with disbelief as my words became louder, killing us both with every new syllable.

" That is the most heartless display that I have ever seen. I don't even know what would have provoked you to do so!" That, of course was a complete lie. " Oh, wait, yes I do. You, Edward Anthony, are jealous. I'm sorry, but you left me, and you well knew that this might be the consequence. That I wouldn't love you anymore. That I finally would of moved on. Well, Edward, it has happened. I don't love you anymore." At this I almost broke into tears for the second time tonight. Oh, how I _did_ love him. And yet, I couldn't tell him. Instead, I had to watch my savior die, at my cause, while practically killing myself in the process. Then, I told the biggest lie of my life. " That's right Edward, I have no feelings for you now except hate and regret. Regardless of how I acted with you with the Volturi, the only reason I acted like that was because I was scared. I needed protection." At this time I walked right up to him, positioning my face a few inches away from his, saying the thing that killed us both the most. " Edward, I love James. You're dead to me now." For a finishing touch, I let out a harsh laugh devoid of humor. When I ended my little speech, I turned away from Edward, and stalked back over to James, saying "Let's go, James, there's nothing here for me now." And I walked over to the motorcycle, picking up the spare helmet and fastened it under my chin, not even casting a careless glance in Edward's direction. James, being the vampire he is, had already gotten over to the motorcycle with his rather pointless helmet on, and had revved up the engine.

I climbed onto the motorcycle, wrapping my arms around Jame's cold, hard waist. To my regret, even the motorcycle's engine couldn't drown out Edward's harsh, tearless sobs.

Before the motorcycle took off, I allowed myself one look back at Edward. He was on his knees sobbing, and Alice was rubbing his back, trying to comfort him where none could. Edward looked, broken. There was no other word for it. Simply, broken.

I tore my eyes away from Edward, and turned my head forward, facing the back of James's head.

Underneath my helmet, where no one could see, I finally let my tears loose, my wet cries and Edward's dry sobs uniting as one.


	3. The Decision

AUTHORS NOTE:** hey guys! Thank you for your reviews!!!!!!!!!! I'm really sorry if i'm taking so long. And if this chapter is too bad, i apologize. It didn't turn out exactly how I expected, but I got by. I have the whole story line written up, but I'm having trouble linking everything together. Ah, well. Here's the next chapter. Hope it's satisfactory!!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of its characters.**

"Get out."

Those were the only words that James had said to me the whole trip. From painfully ditching Edward to the uneventful plane ride on James's private jet, to the hour-long ride in his porsche to the large mansion in Alaska.

Of course, there really was no reason for James to speak out loud, seeing as anything he wished me to know he could just tell me through our mind connection, but it's amusing to speak anyway.

When I said that the transportation methods of getting to Alaska were uneventful, I meant that I cried my eyes out the whole way, and James getting rather impatient from having to share my heartbroken emotions.

It still amazed me how James and I were able to share our thoughts and feelings, even when we really didn't want to.

I could still clearly remember the first time that I encountered James after his "death". "It was during the flight to Volterra. James was able to connect to my mind even then. Even before he spoke to me on the plane, I had been feeling like someone was watching me, thinking thoughts that weren't my own. Like when I was with Jacob and I heard that voice saying _Be happy_, and I thought it was Edward's. It was actually James's, knowing that if I took a werewolf as my boyfriend, it would hurt Edward almost as much as possible. Later, James came to the conclusion that the thing that would hurt Edward the most is to make him think that I love the very vampire that almost took me away from him in the first place.

But, why is James trying to hurt Edward in the first place? And why is he able to look into my thoughts and feelings?

When I look back on the day that James answered these questions, I can't help but wish that I never payed attention to his words. That I never let the connection between us grow stronger and stronger until my mind became his. But, back to the answers to the questions.

When I was on the plane, I started to feel lightheaded, and then, without warning, everything blacked out. And then I heard the Voce. All it did was whisper my name. _Bella._ Over and over again._ Bella. Bella. _ I looked around in the dark, a lot of good that did me, trying to find the source of the Voice. And just when I felt like my head was going to go insane, hearing disembodied voices, a figure appeared. And though everything was black, I could still see this figure perfectly. Everything from his to pale, beautiful skin, to his blood red eyes. James.

I wanted to scream, more than you can imagine, but no sound would come out of my mouth.

James just stood there, staring at me with an evil grin on his face. Then he started to walk forward.

Then it hit me: Why be so afraid? James was dead and this was merely a trick my mind was playing on me, at the worst a bad dream. All I would have to do is- wait, something was wrong here. Besides the fact that the freakiest vampire ever was still walking towards me at a slow steady pace, I could hear my thoughts echoing around me.

Out of all of the thoughts of confusion that I wanted to voice (although apparently I wouldn't have to bother to use my vocal cords), I was only able to get out a brilliant "How-," before James interrupted me.

"Interesting isn't it? Let me guess," he continued at the confused expression on my face.

"You want to know why we can hear all of your thoughts in a dark, echoey room, right?"

All I could manage was a weak nod.

"The answer, Bella," James said, "is quite simple. This," he gestured all around him, "is your conciousness."

"My- my conciousness?" I stuttered.

Then why are you here? Why aren't you dead? What do you want with me? I want Edward. I-"Whoa there, Bella, too many thoughts at once. Please, tone it down a little" James said. 

"All will be explained in time."

_Then start explaining._

"All right," said James. "I'll start with your first question. 'Why am I here?' Well, Bella, I'm here because, like I said before, this is your conciousness. And since you and I are connected mentally now, it's only logical that we share a conciousness, right?"

_Why would we share a conciousness?_

"I'll get to that later. But now, I'll answer some of your other questions. Like, why aren't I dead? Well, you see, in medieval times they burned believed vampires at the stake, but Hollywood passed this off as merely a superstitious method, when the only _real_ ways to kill a vampire were to stake them through the heart, or chop off their heads, or, some might even go as far to say that you must shoot us with a silver bullet. But the old peasants were right. The only real way to destroy vampires is to burn them.

_Jasper and Emmet tore you apart _and_ burned you, so why aren't you dead?_ Looking back, I'm amazed that I was calm enough to ask questions and not start screaming my head off.

"Oh, that's right," James replied, "There is a certain rule when it comes to destroying vampires by burning them, if you rip them apart and burn them anywhere, like your "family" did me, then the vampire will be destroyed and stay that way unless they have recently fed, like me."

The feeling of horror started to spread through my stomach, knowing that nothing good could come to the fact that James had survived the shredding and the burning of Jasper's and Emmet's handiwork.

_So, what happened to you?_

James laughed, a cold, dead, humorless laugh. "In case you don't remember, Bella, just before the Cullens arrived, I bit you, taking some of your sweet blood in the process. Therefore, I survived to blandly put it. My body, in charred shreds, began to pull itself back together again. It was like going through the whole bloody change again, except ten times as painful! Do you have any idea how painful that is?" James volume decreased as he said his next words. "No, I suppose you don't. But it made me stronger." James had whispered this last part, but I was able to hear him anyway. Then he looked as if he was lost in thought for a minute or two. When he next spoke, James's voice had turned to an angry quiet. "Do you know who's responsible for all that excruciating pain, Bella?" The last two syllables of my name rolled off his tongue in a way that made me shudder.

_Jasper, Emmet._ For the sake of my fear, I didn't want to answer but I couldn't stop the thoughts.

James smiled grimly. "No, Bella. It was your precious Edward."

I gasped. _No it wasn't. He didn't do anything. He-_

"It was Edward who tracked me down in the first place."

_You blackmailed me, you brought it upon yourself._

"It was Edward who barged in on the most innapropriate moment ever, just as I was about to make my kill!"

_You wanted him to find you anyway, for sport, that was the point, wasn't it?_

I was starting to grow frantic. Jame's voice was growing from an angry quiet, to a just plain angry loud. My head started to hurt, James's anger being the cause, reverberating off of the boundaries of my conciousness.

"It was Edward who ordered Jasper and Emmet to rip me apart and put me through the most horrible experience of my life, again!"

_They would've done it anyway, after how you hurt me!_

James was shouting now, I wanted to tell him to stop, to just be quiet, my head hurt so much. I wanted to show him reason, but James was beyond that. He let his anger consume him.

"Do you know how it feels, Bella? To go through the very pits of Hell itself, TWICE? You don't! Maybe you should get a taste of the pain! See how it feels!"

I was shaking all over, I couldn't stop myself. Then, I felt the fire in my veins, all over, working its way slowly through, taking its time, while I screamed, and thrashed around, tears streaming down my face, begging for it to stop. All of a sudden, it did. Just like that. I opened my eyes to see a heavily breathing James, odd for a vampire, staring down at me, the hunger apparent in his blood red eyes. He knelt down and stroked my cheek, and started to talk to me, his voice surprisingly soft. "Do you see how it feels now Bella? Do you understand what I went through because of Edward? How much it hurt? All I want is to make him hurt like that, but I need you to do it." I was still gasping for air, but I was able to get out my answer.

"Never." I spoke this time, just for the effect of toughness.

"Poor Bella," James's voice was a mock pity now. "But I don't think you have a choice."

_What do you mean?_

"Well," James said, "from all of the rejuvinating that my body did when it was putting itself together, it made me stronger. Don't ask me why, I don't know." James stopped stroking my cheek and leaned in closer to my face, his scent repulsive, and yet intoxicating like Edward's, "But I do know that if you ask me to demonstrate my powers, you will be very, very sorry."

His eyes locked with mine. "Do I need to show you my powers, Bella?"

I remembered the fire in my veins and shuddered.

"No," was all I whispered.

"And will do what I say to hurt Edward, make him suffer far worse than I did? If that's possible?"

At this, so many of my objective thoughts screamed out their concerns, so many I can't remember any of them. All I can remember is that they all boiled down to one thing: NO!!!

James heard this and wiped his face clean of any emotion, and made his gaze intensify to the part that it hurt. I could feel that now familiar burning in my veins and knew that I had lost. Depressed, my voice laden down with sorrow, tears now pouring freely down my face, I answered. "Yes."

"Very good girl," mused James.

I didn't make this decision to stop the pain James was giving me, I agreed to his terms because I knew that it was the only way to keep Edward and his family alive. James was more powerful than I could imagine now, if he could start to change me by merely looking at me with his eyes, then I have a slight idea of how quickly he could rip Edward to shreds.

"All right then Bella. This'll be the last time you _see_ me for a while, but I'll always be with you. Have a nice flight. Good-bye." And just like that, I was back in my plane seat, next to Alice, except I still felt thouroghly shaken.

I looked into Alice's eyes and her expression became even more worrisome than before.

"Bella, what's wrong?" she asked.

"Didn't you miss me?"

"How could I have missed you? You've been in your seat all the time. You looked likee you were troubled for about five seconds, but that was it."

"Five seconds?" I asked amazed. "But I was-," _Bella._

That voice. I wasn't dreaming, and apparently I didn't go anywhere except the depths of my mind for what seemed like an hour was only like five minutes. And I couldn't tell anyone about it. Especially Alice.

"I know that this whole thing with Edward is messing with our heads right nwo, but we have to think straight if we are going to save him, okay?" Her tone wasn't unkind, just stressed and desperate, I knew what she was going through.

"Okay Alice, I'm sorry. I'm just really worried." _Good Bella_

"That's okay, Bella, we both are."

The decision I made still haunts me. The only thing that keeps me from completely hating myself is knowing that by breaking both our hearts, I kept Edward alive, in a sense. But remembering how he looked when I left him makes me want to break out in tears all over again. I was so lost in my thoughts that I didn't realize that I had left the car door open and was letting the freezing air in until my leg started to numb. I snapped back to reality and looked around.

Everything outside was covered with a thick blanket of snow including the huge mansion that James had gotten for us.

There was a large wrap around porch out front, not that we'd use it, and the entire front was lined with elegant pillars. It was painted white, of course, if it was painted any other color it wouldn't matter because of all the snow. The front and back yards of the house was quite large and weren't fenced in. They just seemed to keep going and going into white oblivion.

I stepped out of the car and into the freezing weather, James close behind with a smile on his face. Apparently he was glad to see that I was remininscing about our reunion. I scoffed.

_You see that,_ he told me, pointing to a window on the second floor of the three story house, _That's the window of your room._

I wasn't even going to bother myself with thinking a witty response. He'd jsut see through my wit and into the cowering, sobbing mess inside. At least he was decent enough to make us not share a room. I shivered, not because of the cold, and yet, there was a warmth inside of me because of the thought of James's body next to mine at night, me inhaling his scent while I sleep... I was interrupted by a chuckle from James.

_Why Bella, I never knew you felt that way._ He teased

My revulsion came back full force, and I stalked up to the front of the house. What was wrong with me? James ran up to the door in front of me with the dragon shaped knocker, unlocked the door, and we both stepped inside, James to a familiar old vacation house, and me to my new home. But I would soon find out that I would refer to it as my prison.

**So... what did you guys think? This chapter went on longer than I expected. Well, I hope you guys actually liked it and I didn't bore you to death. I'm a little out of it today. And please don't freak out about Bella's growing attraction to James. There's going to be an explanation for that later.**


	4. Reflections

Author's Note: Thank you everyone for the reviews. But please, I need more! Not meaning to sound like a bossy review addict or anything, but, I need inspiration of how to link my major story points together. I really feel that I could write at least a chapter every two days. So here's my next chapter, hope it's satisfactory!

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of its components. hangs head in shame**

**Alice's P.O.V.**

Edward hasn't spoken a word since we left the parking lot. Not a single. Solitary. Word.

It's a good thing, too, because I didn't feel like talking either. The pain was too much. Bella was my best friend, and she left us. For James. JAMES of all people! I just don't understand. I could just kill someone right now! My feelings are driving me insane, I'm so confused. At one time I want to just burst out in dry sobs, because Bella's gone. But as soon as I start, I just get this overwhelming sense of fury. How could Bella leave us like that? Leave Edward like that? And everything she said to him! I could see Edward being ripped apart from every word in her mouth, and I'm sure she could see it too, and yet, she still said all of those things, and it was as if she didn't care that she was killing my brother. It was almost like she tried to hurt him as much as she did. But that's impossible. Bella would never do that. Then again, she would never walk away from Edward with James. And how is he back anyway? Jasper and Emmet took care of him. Nothing makes since anymore. He won't let me into his mind, but I can't even imagine what must be going on in there. Most likely he'll be blaming himself, might even be pondering suicide again, in fact, he most definitely will be. I have to think of something that will keep him alive, but what?

Edward's P.O.V.

She's gone. My Bella is gone. I don't understand why. Wait, yes I do. It was me. All my fault. If I didn't leave her in the first place, this never would have happened. I never would have given her a chance to fall in love with anyone else. Especially James. He's no supposed to be alive. I don't know how he managed it. I don't have an explanation. All that I can come up with is this: He's powerful. And he has my Bella. HE could hurt her very easily. If he lays a hand on her, I'll- I'll what? I don't even know where she is. Because she wanted it that way. Bella wanted to make sure that she and James could run off and never be found by me, a monster. My Angel wanted to make sure that I would never be in her life again. I won't be. I would try to track her if I didn't know that if I found her she'd just turn me away. It's all my fault. It's hard to think of the fact that I'll never hear her voice again. Or see the charming blush that constantly occupies her cheeks. Or feel her warmth radiate from her everytime we get close. Never again. I can't live without her. I won't live without her. It's slightly amusing to think of the fact that although I'm taking this plane out of Volterra, when I get off, I'm just going to board this plane again, so that I can finally complete my task with the Volturi. For without Bella, my life has no meaning. Even my family seems to have no value in my eyes. Bella's gone, by her own choice, that's all that matters. And it's all my fault. Only a couple more hours to go until I'm back with the Volturi.

Author's note: All right, I'm sorry that it's so short. And I am very sorry that it sucks immensly. What can I say? I just don't relate to male vampires that well. Anyway, I hope you guys don't hate me. PLEASE don't lose faith. drops to knees and starts begging I'm planning on something better for the next chapter. Really, I am!


	5. New Home

**Author's Note: Hey peoples! Sorry it's taking me so long in between chapters. I'm having writer's block and my confidence is still crushed from the last chapter. But oh well, here's the next chapter. We are back with Bella!**

I stepped over the thresh-hold and took a look at my new home. The door led to a very large, open room, with a granite floor and multiple windows; although they had the curtains drawn. There wasn't really anything in the room, except a door at the other side, and a grand staircase laeding to the next floor.

_Follow me._

I trailed behind James as he walked (I'm sure for my benefit) over to the staircase. I could hear only one pair of footsteps across the floor. As James started to climb the staircase, a thought accured to me: _Where does that door-_

_Nevermind that. _James cut me off. _Come on._ His thoughts, which had recently registered calm, had taken on a slightly annoyed, and dare I say, desperate tone to them. I couldn't help but think, _what was he hiding?_

_I'm not hiding anything. That door just leads to the kitchen, as unused as it is. _

I had to admit, it was slightly dissapointed. I was partially hoping that the door led to some dark, gruesome secret that'd give me even more reason to hate James. But it led to the _kitchen_.

_Then why were you hurrying me so much? No tour of the house?_ I tried to lace my thoughts with as much disdain as I could, but I was too exhausted from crying.

_I've been itching to hunt for days_, James replied, _with all of my strengthened senses, it's a miracle I haven't attacked you already. You smell ravishing. Now please, could you stop with all of the questions and follow me like a good little girl? For you it's been a long day, I'm sure, and we wouldn't want your pretty little face to grow more haggard, would we?_

Surprisingly, I felt blood rush to my cheeks. After the initial shock of this action, I felt nothing but disgust for myself. I was _blushing_? Because of _James?_ After all that he's done to me, to Edward, to everyone I care about, I'm blushing because this, this _monster_ complimented me? I should be sneering, or rolling my eyes, or even yelling at him from his audacity to even play nice after everything he's caused me!

_Why Bella, I'm hurt. I had no idea! I-_

_Oh, shut up! You have a pretty good idea of what I've been going through. And it's all because of you! You-_

_STOP!_ Jame's mental force was enough to momentarily halt my thoughts, and my footsteps, on the stairs.

_You're right. _At this I became immensly confused. But James cleared up that confusion right after.

I have had to go through every sniveling, pitiful emotion you've had since Volterra. I know that I've caused those emotions, and I don't care. What I do care about is how you're ruining my perfect plan with your non-stop pity party. Like I said before: I.Don't.Care. That I've messed up your life. But you've been giving me a dreadful headache and I'm probably going to end up biting you out of frustration if you don't SHUT UP!

After this, I was careful to keep my thoughts quiet as we proceeded up the stairs. I wanted to rage and scream, and hit James as hard as I could. Hurt him for all that he's hurt me. I wanted to cry. But I couldn't do any of these things without pushing James over the edge. I was happy that I was upsetting him but if I was bitten and _changed_ by James, I'd never forgive myself. It was all of these reasons that I kept quiet as we reached the top of the stairs, and started down a long hallway. At the end of it, there was a plain simple door. And this was where we stopped.

Although most of the time I was caught up in my own quiet thoughts, I hadn't been so distracted as to not sense that feeling of regret and remorse that was settling in my stomach. But I knew these emotions were not my own.

James waited for me to open the door and when I stubbornly didn't, he reached across me, letting me breathe in his intoxicating scent, sending pleasurable pricklings up and down my spine. _Since when does that happen?_

James didn't reply with any thoughts, which I thought was odd.

I stepped in front of him and walked into my new room.

_I'm going hunting now. I'll be back by tomorrow._

And with that, he left, closing my door behind him. His thoughts had that sad, regretful feeling in them again, which made me depressed enough to run over to the bed and start crying. The tears just kept on coming, and before I knew it, my body was shaking with uncontrollable sobs. All my troubles from the past days came out in the form of my tears. I was exhausted but I couldn't stop crying. I wasn't sure how long I had been sobbing when I finally fell into a deep, fretful sleep. But I soon realized that the sorrows I had been dwelling over were much better than the horrible nightmare I had. Well, that's the next chapter. Sorry it took me so long. Please forgive me. And sorry for the slight cliff-hanger. I have the next two chapters in mind, but what would you like to hear first, Bella's dream, or the vision Alice has that keeps Edward alive? PLEASE REVIEW! Thanks for reading!


	6. The Dream

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.**

**AN: Soooooooooooo sorry that it took me this long to update guys. There's really no excuse. I hope this chapter doesn't suck. In Bella's Point Of View.**

At first, everything was black. I don't know why I said everything, because all around me, there was nothing. Just, space. A vast, dark, empty space. With me in the middle of it, or at least, what I thought was the middle. Inwardly, I groaned. Even my sub-conscious somehow knew that another meeting with James in my consciousness was the last thing I wanted.

I knew that there was no way to escape this meeting unless James wanted me to. Of course, if James wanted me to be able to get out of our meeting, then he wouldn't have called it in the first place.

A nagging thought in the back of my mind was asking me _Why is James arranging a meeting when he could just wake me up and talk to me then? _But I was too tired to answer myself any trivial questions, so I decided to just stand where I was and wait. And wait. And wait.

The longer I waited, the more unbearable the dead silence became. It was pressing on me from all sides, nearly suffocating me. Just when I thought that I was going to go insane, a rush of emotion flooded my senses. Actually, it was more instinct than emotion.

I couldn't quite put my finger on what the instinct was; I just knew that it was pulling at my body, ripping me at my seams. It was urging me to run wildly, stretch my limbs. Play with my- prey. With a horrified thought, I realized that it was urging me to _hunt._

I was completely disgusted with myself. I didn't know what came over me. My sick discovery jolted me out of my trance for a second, but soon that instinct consumed me. For all I knew, I _was_ running, but my with my completely black surroundings, I couldn't tell the difference. Then suddenly, everything wasn't black. There were streaks of white cutting through the...sky? The streaks felt as if they gave me power. I needed more. The next one that came was a bigger than the last one, with a much larger effect.

It felt as if I had been hit by lightning. I was electrified with a power that started in the middle of my body and stretched to my fingertips, radiating out of my every pore.

Then the power stopped, as quickly as it had started. I almost cried out loud from the loss. There was still a faint buzzing sensation, tingling in my fingertips. Taunting me of the power that I had but couldn't keep. I needed more. Only two doses and I was already addicted. But I didn't care. I just wanted more power. More of that feeling that told me that I was on top, that I could get anything I wanted.

For some reason, I had an odd urge. An urge to keep still, and yet also arch my body so it was in a type of pouncing position. I don't know why, but I did it. As if I couldn't resist this great instinct. As if there was a beast inside of me, fighting to keep control before it killed, not wanting to spoil the opportune moment. The tingling had become more strengthened now, reaching from my fingertips all the way down into my bones. It was anticipating something, but what?

Suddenly the most powerful bolt of all came hurtling towards me, hitting me so hard that it felt as if I was knocked off my feet onto my back. The power was so strong that I couldn't exactly tell what had happened, but the next thing I knew, I was looking up. The power from the last bolt was surging through me, so strong that it started to rip me apart. I started to scream, but the sound died in my throat as an unspeakable, blissful pleasure came over me. The monster inside was calming down, the power waning. The pleasure, however, was still there, when everything turned red.

All around me, the air seemed to be a garnet color, like James's eyes. Everything except two figures far away, blurry from their distance. I felt as if I was being watched, and the pleasure ceased.

I got up, carefully, trying not to fall flat on face as I was bound to do, and against my better judgment, I started to walk towards the two mystery figures, oh so far away.

But as I took my first step, I was suddenly only a yard away from them. How I walked a mile in one step, I don't know, but I was too pre-occupied with the scene in front of me to care.

There were two people. The first lying down, face contorted in an expression of pain and horror, with a big gash on its neck, profoundly bleeding all over the place.

I was too shocked to barf. For the second figure, that was leaning over the dead bleeding human, who most likely had blood all over their mouth, had looked up.

I saw a face with pale, milky skin with a very angular nose and full, red lips that were beautifully accompanied by a waterfall of straight, luscious, brunette hair, and blood red eyes. I was looking into the face of myself.

This time I really did scream. The loudest I had ever screamed in my life. The scream stopped short as the other me fluently stood up and quickly, but oh so gracefully, and walked over to me. Our eyes locked in an unbreakable gaze as she- I? - Took my hand and led me over to the poor victims body. Normally I would have rather jumped off a cliff than approach a dead body, but it was like my mind was frozen. Everything I did was controlled by the other me. I turned my attention back to what was happening, and saw that the other me had led me to a point about 3 inches away from the body. She motioned for me to kneel next to it.

Being unable to resist is a horrible feeling. It's as if someone else was making decisions for you. Except, it's worse, because the body. She motioned for me to kneel next to it.

Being unable to resist is a horrible feeling. It's as if someone else was making decisions for you. Except, it's worse, because _your_ making the decision for you, and you can't stop yourself. Well, this is how I felt at this time. I knelt down next to the body, and the other me started to smile. I suppose it was meant to be kind, but it came out as sickly and obsessive.

She was motioning for me to do something, but I couldn't figure out what it was until she gently laid her hand on the back of my head and pushed toward the corpse. It was with a sickening realization that I saw that she wanted me to drink. _She wanted me to drink blood! As if I already was a vampire!_ I had felt more sickened at this time than I ever had. But, instead of puking or crying, or even running away screaming, to my surprise I lowered my lips to the large gash on the corpse's throat, (it was a man, I now saw) and started to drink.

_What was wrong with me?_ I was asking myself. I was splitting in half. I wanted to throw myself away from the poor victim's body, and pass out if I could so I wouldn't have to go through this. But at the same time, I wanted to continue drinking. And continued drinking I did.

The other me had a scornful smile on her face, as if she wished that she could be the one drinking someone else's blood. _Someone else's blood._ I told that voice in the back of my head to shut up. This tasted too good.

The other me had started to fade into nothingness, but I hardly noticed, I was enjoying myself too much. Warmth, power, and so many more things came with the simple beverage of blood. How did I live without this? _Just fine. Stop it!_ The voice in my head responded. I didn't even bother to tell it to shut up; I just continued to enjoy my drink.

I saw pinpricks of light around the edges of my vision. I didn't pay attention to them as I realized that the blood was starting to diminish. It was only when I tasted the thinning of the blood that I truly thought about what I had done: I had willingly drunk someone's blood. I swore to be like the Cullens if I became a vampire, to only to drink from animals. And yet, here I was, relishing the taste of another person's life as it slid down my tongue. This person probably had a family. People who cared if they were dead. I had just messed up so many lives. I could tell right now. _What have I done?_

The lights were getting brighter now, and I unlatched my jaw from the corpse's neck. If I looked into a mirror, I knew my eyes would be red. I could feel myself starting to sink into a pit of depression as what I had done sunk in. The lights were as bright as the bolts of power now, and they were closing in. For the second time, I was suffocating. They were blinding me slowly. I could make out a figure in the distance. I hoped it was not myself. It seemed to be calling to me._ Bella. _Wait, I had heard that voice somewhere. But I didn't want to talk to anyone now. I was too ashamed. I wanted to die.

My mind was twisting, bending to the rules of the vampires. Thinking that it was my right to kill off innocent humans.

I focused on the voice. I had stopped tasting blood in my mouth. _Bella!_

I'm here James! I wanted to shout. Regardless of how I felt, I now realized, I needed to get out of here. These lights could not be good news. But I couldn't. I was too deep in my pit of despair. James's voice was starting to pull me out though. _Bella!_ Say my name one more time, James! He almost had me out. And the lights were getting so bright, gathering around the ring of my pit, ready to descend and to swallow me and do who knows what else? The lights were enveloping me, choking me.

_Bella!_ That was the last shout I needed. James's voice yanked me up out of my pit and out of my dream, saving me from the devilish lights. Bliss, out of my dream... and into my bed, with James's face hovering inches above mine.

AN: All right. There it is. I hope it wasn't too gory. I couldn't think of anything else to represent what was happening to Bella (which will be explained) Please review!!!


	7. The Vision

**A/N: Okay, here's the next chapter. I hope you guys like it!**

**APOV: ** "Ladies and gentlemen, please fasten your seat belts, we will be landing in about 10 minutes." The anonymous air stewardess's voice floated out of the speakers on the plane, and people had started to fasten their seat belts, mindlessly following the standard flight instructions they were given.

I turned my head slightly in Edward's direction, trying to catch some of his thoughts, and took a sidelong glance at his face. If I could weep, I would, just from seeing his expression. I wasn't feeling too hot myself, either. I imagine an expression similar to his was on my face as well.

_Only a few more hours until I'm back in Volterra..._

The sound of Edward's thoughts invaded my mind, cutting my self-pity session short. I started to panic. Back to Volterra? Edward was going to try and get himself killed again, and I was pretty sure that this time he would not fail. Bella would not come to save him.

If only there was some way to keep him from going! But the only thing that could prevent him would be... Bella! If something were to happen to Bella in the future, there wasn't a force on this Earth that would prevent Edward from trying to save her.

"Ladies and gentlemen, we will now be landing in approximately 5 minutes. Please be sure to have your seat belts fastened and your seats in an upright position. Thank you for flying on Italian Airlines..."

Now I really started to panic. Only five minutes to come up with something about Bella that'd keep my brother from killing himself. I was sure that once we got off this plane, if I hadn't convinced Edward to stay, I would never see him again.

Frantically I tried to force my power into action, searching for anything in the future about Bella, anything. No vision came to me. I tried harder, chanting Bella's name over and over in my head. _Bella. Bella. Bella._

I started to feel a tingling sensation, as if a vision was struggling to the surface of my mind. I chanted harder. _Bella! Bella! Bella! Bella!!_

And then suddenly I wasn't in my plane seat anymore, not as far as I could tell. I was in my vision, and things were very wrong.

**A/N:I was going to end the chapter here, but that'd be really short, so, on with the vision!**

They were in the meadow. Edward, Victoria, and Bella. Bella had her same brown hair and eyes, still a human, to my relief.

_The trees directly around the ring of the clearing were on fire, ashes and burning pine needles flying around everywhere in the harsh wind. There was a mighty storm, the rain lashing out and practically blinding Bella. And yet, the trees still burned, the perfect ring of fire unhindered by the downpour, contrasting fiercely with the black night sky. As if it were the Devil's flame, burning from Hell itself._

_Bella and Edward were on opposite sides of the clearing. Victoria stood between them, a look of hate bordering on insanity glowing in her pitch black eyes. Edward looked hurt, numerous deep scratches all over his body, healing, but very slowly. _

_Bella was crying at the other end of the clearing, a look of utter fear and regret in her eyes. Her left arm was twisted at an odd angle and she was saying words desperately, as if she only had a few more seconds of life to speak. "I love you Edward. I'm so sorry. I-" Her words were cut off as a burning branch from one of the trees fell on her leg, starting to scorch the flesh. She screamed a high pitch squeal, and hastened to remove the branch with her right hand, succeeding, but burning her hand in the process. Tears were still streaming down her face. Victoria started to approach, showing her large set of teeth, standing in a hunting stance.  
_

"_No!" Edward yelled. I couldn't be sure that the fact that Bella was in pain or the fact that he couldn't help her was the cause._

_Victoria just laughed, sauntering over to Bella, speaking. She bent over and looked straight into Bella's fearful, tearing eyes. Victoria smirked. "This is what you wanted, wasn't it?" She asked Bella, menace clear in her tone. "To feel the flames, the fire in your veins? Well now you can. Except this time, when it kills you, you'll stay dead." Victoria straightened up and turned around to Edward, no more insanity in her eyes, just cold, hard, hate._

_"And you," she said pointing a finger at him, her voice barely more than a whisper. "You will watch her die."_

_The rain gave the illusion of tears streaming from Edward's topaz eyes, as he roared, too weak to stand, "No!"_

_Victoria said nothing in answer, she only turned back to face Bella._

_And then she pounced._

As I snapped back into the present time, I could feel Edward's panicked eyes on me. For the first time during the flight he intentionally let his guard down.

_Is that really going to happen? _ His mind desperately whispered.

Here was my chance; I had to play this to my advantage, to keep Edward here. I blocked off the scheming part of my mind to Edward as I replied. _Only if you let it. _

The truth was, I knew it might not be Edward's choice that could alter the future. But I couldn't let him know that, not after coming this far.

Edward said nothing in reply, but I could see the gears working in his mind, determination and love showed on his face. I let out a breath (old habits die hard) and leaned my head back against the seat, feeling weak from relief. I knew I had given Edward a reason to keep living. To keep Bella alive.

_But what about Victoria? What if something goes wrong? What if he's not able to save her? What reason will he have for living then?_ I pushed the frantic thoughts to the back of my head, deciding to deal with them later. Because for the moment, Edward was coming home with me. For the moment, Edward was staying off the plane to Volterra. For the moment, Edward was safe.


	8. Discussion

* * *

**A/N: All right, peoples, here's the next chapter. I really hope you liked it. It was one of the most interesting chapters for me to write, anyway. I have a quick question: If Bella had to be with one of the vampires of this story would you rather she be with James or Edward? Just a question. And also, when I say "voice" in this story most of the time I'm talking about James and Bella's telepathic voice, not their vocal one. Just a head's up. Don't forget to review!**

**Disclaimer: Do I really have to bother?**

_Bella! That was the last shout I needed. James's voice yanked me up out of my pit and out of my dream, saving me from the devilish lights. Bliss, out of my dream... and into my bed, with James's face hovering inches above mine._

**BPOV:**"James!" I said with a startled cry. James's face was still hovering over mine, and I was sure that the anxiety and fear I felt was just as much his as it was mine.

_Bella, I 'm so sorry! _James didn't even bother to ask if I was all right, he already knew I wasn't. He just skipped straight to the apology. Apologizing for what I wasn't sure, but it was nice just to hear him think the words. What startled me was that he actually seemed to care. There was genuine concern in his voice. But why-

_Stop thinking like that Bella! Tell me what happened, please._ James's voice had gone sharp, but had softened on the last word.

I pushed my questions (at least the ones about his feelings) to the back of my head and focused on the present situation. I didn't quite know how to express my concerns to James, so I just started at the beginning, of my dream that is.

Before I started to explain, however, I noticed the fact that James and I were still in an awkward position. With his body still lying on top of mine. His lovely, sculpted, perfect body... _Stop it!_ I told myself. Luckily, James didn't hear any of these thoughts. He did sense my uncomfortable feeling though, (of course) and moved so that he was no longer on top of me. Instead, I was on his lap, and he was holding my hand. _Just for comfort_. I told myself. But I found that with every friendly touch or gesture James was making, I was feeling more and more all right with him and I making contact. I was even starting to enjoy it. But only a little. It wasn't until I noticed a feeling of happiness spread through me that I realized that my thoughts were unguarded, and James had just heard every single word. I blushed profusely.

_I love it when you do that._ James grinned. I was extremely confused. Why would James love anything about me? Why was I starting to enjoy his company? This time I made sure that my thoughts were blocked.

To prove to myself that I wasn't getting too attached to James, I slid off of his lap and next to him on the bed. He let me, and I felt a feeling of regret, his, (I think) but James let me slide. He was reluctant, however, let go of my hand. He kept it in his iron grip, as if he was afraid I would run away if he released me. Like I could. Like I wanted to...

I wanted to dwell more on these thoughts but James was waiting for me to explain what happened. I took a deep mental breath and started in on my explanation.

_I-I had a dream. _I could feel James's expectancy and felt his eagerness to know. His willingness to understand. This comforted me, so I proceeded to tell him. His face's expressions ranged from curiosity to astonishment. When I got to the part of drinking blood and liking it, his face looked appalled and confused. Amazingly though, he was able to not interrupt me through the entire story. When I finished, he was silent.

"What happened?" I whispered.

_Bella,_ James started, the first words I had heard from him in over an hour. _This is my entire fault. _

_Don't be ridiculous. _I started. _How could this be your fau-_

_Just, listen. And please don't interrupt._ His voice had regained some of its hostility and lost some of its concern. I was partially grateful for this because it reminded me of the fact that no matter how weak I was, no matter how much I needed a shoulder to cry on, James was the enemy, and I could not trust him. Miraculously I managed to block these thoughts from his mind.

_As you know, while you were sleeping I was out hunting. Now understand, since we're connected like we are, we would tend to share experiences. All experiences. This would include my hunting. My best guess of what happened was that while you were sleeping, your subconscious transferred all the emotions that we__felt, _I shivered as James said "we", _and turned them into something you fear the most, becoming a vampire._ This confused me greatly. I knew that I wanted to be a vampire. It would mean I would be able to spend an eternity with Edward. But Edward wasn't here.

_Exactly._ James said. _The only reason you wanted to be a vampire was because it would mean that you could spend eternity with your Edward._ Was that jealousy I detected in his voice?

_In fact, _James continued, _you were so caught up in your fanciful daydreams of being with Edward for eternity, that you completely overlooked the fact that you would have to pay a price for your happiness. In order for you to have a good life, you would have to take others. We both know that you never wanted to think about this fact, so you didn't._ James's voice turned not quite mocking, but more skeptical._ But your fears finally got the best of you. At the worst moment I might add._

At this point, James was looking deep into my eyes. I shifted uncomfortably in my position, with my hand still held in his.

_But still, how was all this your fault? _I asked.

_Actually,_ James said,_ I've changed my mind. It's both of our faults._

_Really? _I smiled._ And how is that?_

_Well, it's your fault for sleeping while I was hunting and it's my fault for hunting while you were sleeping. Of course, I had no idea that this would happen and it _is_ my nature to hunt, so..._

_So what you're saying,_ I interrupted, taking on a mock hurt tone, _is that it's my entire fault for falling asleep after being physically and emotionally drained, and for not knowing that this was going to happen, but you are completely blameless because while you're hunting is the cause of my dream, it's your nature._ I let my voice drip with sarcasm on the last word.

_Well, yes._ Answered James.

We stared at each other with blank faces for what seemed like hours. Then, I couldn't help it, I started to snicker. The snickers turned into giggles, and then the giggles turned into full-blown laughter. Before I knew it, I was shaking with laughter so much that I fell off the bed. That just seemed funny so I laughed even harder. The shocked expression on James's face made everything even funnier so I laughed even harder than before. In mere seconds I'd gone from to sadly depressed to euphoric on the verge of insane. I hadn't laughed in what seemed like eternity. I didn't want it to stop.

By now James had joined me on the floor, probably making sure I didn't stop breathing from my intense laughing. He had maneuvered his arms so that they made a sort of protective cage around me, making me face him. Through the thin fabric of his red shirt I could feel his biceps. Not necessarily bulging, they were hidden to give him that lean, muscular appearance. But they were definitely there.

I admit, being in a type of embrace with James so that I was able to feel his cold, granite skin on most of my body made me kind of breathless. Our faces were just inches apart. His full lips were just inches from mine. This made me blush heavily. This just made James laugh. His laugh was kind of rusty at first, as if it hadn't been used in a while, and then it loosened up into a booming, musical sound. Like Emmett's laugh except a bit more fluent. Like Edward's.

The thought of Edward immediately made my laughter die out. I felt a shroud of depression lower over me again; squelching out all of the positive feelings I was able to accumulate over the past day or so. I remembered the dreary situation I was in. I remembered how it was all James's fault. And I didn't feel like I could forgive James. Not this soon anyway.

James sensed my suddenly venomous feelings and gently stood us up, putting a good two-foot distance in between us. We had both stopped smiling.

_Well, _he said awkwardly. _I had better leave now. And go... do stuff._ He finished lamely.

_Yes._ I replied shortly. _That would probably be best._

James walked to the doorway and lingered there as if he wanted to say something more. But in the end he walked out without another word, never looking back.

I could feel his strong sense of regret but I was too angry to care. I was sure to let him know that by sending no forgiving feelings his way.

I didn't have much to do, so I just walked over to my bed. I realized that even though I had gotten almost a full night's sleep I wasn't very rested at all.

I pulled off my clothes and walked over to the closet on the other side of the room and looked into it for a pair of pajamas. Luck was on my side.

The large walk-in closet was stocked with clothing, and I found pajamas on the top shelf near the back. This was the type of thing Alice would have done for me. Alice...

Before I could start crying again I put on the pajamas (they were blue fleece I now noticed) and walked out of the closet and over to my bed. I didn't look through the rest of the clothes because they'd only make me think of Alice more. I didn't look at what was in the rest of my room because I was too tired to care.

Why did James have to do this? Why couldn't he just forgive Edward and let him be? Let all of us be? We'd be so much happier.

I wouldn't be crying my eyes out, feeling like a hollow empty shell again. I wouldn't be lying alone in a big room in an even bigger empty mansion. I wouldn't be so miserable.

The negative thoughts kept on coming and coming until I was on the verge of slumber. Before I finally drifted off to a dreamless sleep, I heard a faint whisper, barely audible.

_I'm sorry._

**AN: Well, that's the end of the chapter. Whew! Two chapters in one day. Am I exhausted. (I know, I know, I'm lazy.) I'm not sure if I should go ahead with this story or just not work on it anymore. Please let me know if you'd rather me stop or keep going. Review!**


	9. Left Alone

A/N: Ello peoples! Thank you so much for the reviews. Especially Serenity05. That was A LOT of helpful insight. Well, here's the next chapter, hope you like it!

**BPOV:** I woke up to soft sunlight filtering through the blinds in my room. My eyes were bleary and I was sure that my hair was less than decent. But I was feeling too lousy to even begin to care about my appearance.

My body was sore from shaking in silent sobs all night so when I turned my head to look at the bedside clock, the feeling was less than pleasant. The digital reading said 9:30. From the faint light brightening my room I could only guess that it was 9:30 in the morning.

I inwardly groaned as I realized something: There was sunlight outside. That meant that unless James wanted to risk discovery, he'd have to stay inside. Which also meant that I'd most likely have to spend the day locked inside a huge mansion with the vampire who'd ruined my life. Who'd taken away my reason for living. Who had single handedly made my very existence so hollow and yet so excruciatingly painful. _And yet, _a small voice spoke in my head,_ it didn't seem like you hated him that much last night. When you were about to kiss him._ I wanted to tell myself to shut up, but I couldn't. Because it was true. I felt as if I was falling in love with the vampire I hated most. Well, not quite in love. No way was I that attatched to James.

_Are you sure?_

"Of course I'm sure!" I shouted to no one in particular. I thought of all the horrible things James had done to me in the past. First and foremost, and the most painful, James had taken me away from Edward. He had made me hurt the one person who meant everything for me. Who had done and given up _everything_ for me. And for a vampire, that's quite a lot. It hurt just to think about being away from Edward. Yet another attribute to James.

When he was hunting me, James put all of my family in danger. Both the Cullens and Charlie could have easily been hurt because of him.

And lets not forget the actual physical pain in the ballet studio. I shuddered at the memory.

Thinking of all these memories made me start crying again. Especially the one of Edward. Sweet, beautiful, perfect Edward. I don't know what got into me, but I betrayed him. He never ever tried to intentionally hurt me, leaving for my only my benefit. And I hurt him, after all that he had done for me, and I didn't feel bad about it. Instead I was smooching it up with my kidnapper, our enemy! Well, almost smooching anyway.

I finally came to a conclusion. Yes, I did have a small weak spot last night for James and yes, I almost kissed him. I was confused. Last night only. Now I knew that after all he had done, and all that he could do, I undeniably most definitely hated James.

_I'm sorry you feel that way Bella. _ A cold voice spoke in my head.

For a second, one tiny second, I was almost surprised. But I knew better. Of course James would be listening to my thoughts. Well, now he knew how I felt about him. To my surprise, I didn't feel a pang of sadness at the thought. Neither his nor mine. But why would that be surprising anyway? I hated him, he loathed me, and we were on a term of agreement. If we both understood that, then why did I feel the slightest tinge of regret?

_Because of last night. Because of the way he looked at you, how he held you. How he-_ _shut up!_ I savagely told the voice in my head. _Last night was a mistake, a large _regret _on my part. Something to never be repeated._

I didn't even bother to block my thoughts from James. Let him hear. The less confusion there was between us the better. If, for some reason, the fact that I hate him makes James less than happy, he'll just have to deal with it. He brought it upon himself.

I was just so angry! I honestly wanted to scream and rant at James at how he ruined my life. I wanted to claw at his face and shred up all of his belongings. Strip everything that was precious and dear to him away. Leave him like a hollow empty shell, do everything that he did to me.

_But I can't._ I thought bitterly, tears now streaming down my cheeks. Because he was a vampire with nothing to lose. If I even tried to do one of these things James'd snap my neck, I have no doubt. The phantom pain from the ballet studio was all too happy to make my body ache and burn even when I thought of it.

I couldn't help but think that this day would go a whole lot smoother if I was asleep, not having to think of anything, or if James thought I was asleep at least, so he could leave me alone.

But I knew that no way would James think I'm still asleep after hearing all of my viscious thoughts. So, since I was left with only one option I rolled over on my side and prayed for sleep to overtake me. Sadly, I prayed in vain.

I had gotten myself too worked up to consider sleeping again. My body was aching, screaming for me to get out of bed and _do_ something.

At first I thought that maybe I could go downstairs, but James would undoubtedly be there and I really did not want tot talk to him at the moment, or any moment to be exact.

_He's going to be down there all day and you are going to have to go down there some time. _A voice in the back of my head reminded me._ It's either now or later._ I choose later.

I laid there in bed for a few minutes longer trying to decide what I could do that'd be remotely interesting that didn't involve going downstairs, or out of my room for that matter. Since I had greatly neglected to look at my surroundings, I decided to explore my great cavern of a room.

The room was large and square, and the walls were all painted deep red, with a decorative black border around the ceiling. About eight feet across from the end of my plush, king-sized bed, there was a plain white door that led to my walk-in closet. Three feet to the right of my closet door was a type of archway that led into my bathroom. In between the two doors was an end table with a small vase on it. The vase only held one flower, a single black rose.

It turned out that my ultra comfortable bed was in a corner of the room, and in the corner to the right of it there was an antique looking computer desk with a flatscreen computer. Well, the technology didn't make me hate James any less but at least I had something to do now.

But there was still more to explore. I sat up and then slid out of my red bedcovers. My feet touched down onto a soft springy rug placed on the room's hardwood flooring. After a long and tedious consideration, I decided to check out my closet first, since I had only glanced at it the day before.

When I walked over to my closet I passed two French doors that, as I could only guess, led onto a large balcony. I didn't bother to go outside and look because all I could see from the inside was a white blur.

Finally, after my long trek, I reached my closet. I opened the door and turned on the switch to find rows upon rows of clothing. Most of it was blue. Blue jeans, blue fleece tops, blue sweaters, blue shoes. I looked down and remembered I was wearing blue pajamas. I started to tear up. Edward loved me in the color blue. I wanted so badly to cry at that moment, but I didn't let myself. I didn't let myself because I knew that if I started now, I'd never stop. I'd just find more things to cry about after I was done crying about Edward. Even when the tears stopped flowing I would still keep sinking into a pit of depression. I would probably never get out of it either.

So instead of crying, I turned of the light, walked out of the closet, and went over to explore the bathroom.

The bathroom was, without a doubt, the most posh bathroom I had ever seen. For starters, it was larger than my bedroom back home. Then I realized that everything in the bathroom was gold. The tiles on the floor, the large sink, the Jacuzzi bathtub, and yes, even the toilet.

The bathtub was calling to me. All my joints were aching, my skin felt all sticky, and my hair was a ratted mess. I walked over to the bath and turned on the water, scalding hot.

As soon as it was full I took off my pajamas and lowered myself in. My skin screamed in protest as the hot water touched it, but I was too drained to care. I proceeded with the bathtub rituals of soaping my body, washing and rinsing my hair, and just plain relaxing. It was only when the water turned cold that I got out, wrapping myself in a fuzzy blue bathrobe that was hanging on a hook next to the tub, and my hair in a white towel.

I walked over to the vanity in the bathroom and found that it was fully stocked. Plenty of combs, brushes, and hair creams to use until I die. I gulped as I thought that my death might not be that far away. I chose one of many combs and took it back to my bed to get all the tangles out of my hair.

As I sat down on the bed I noticed a pad of buttons on one side of it that I didn't see before. I pressed the big red one at the top and lo and behold, a TV screen rose up out of the footrest of the bed. Wow.

I flipped through the channels after I finished with my hair but nothing was on. I didn't feel like surfing the Internet and there weren't any good books to read anywhere in the room. I couldn't think of anything to do until my stomach started rumbling. I mean _really _rumbling. I don't think that I had eaten in a couple of days.

I looked frantically around the room for some sort of minifridge, or anything that held food of any sort, but to no avail. Leave it to James to give me everything I need except the one thing that would keep me alive. Food.

But I wouldn't give in. I _would not_ go downstairs and face that monster just because my stomach was feeling a bit uncomfortable.

10 minutes later I was lying face down on my bed, groaning. My stomach felt like it was eating itself. Hey, it probably was. It hurt. Ugh, curse my human needs! But no matter what the pain, I'd stay as I was, suffering facedown on my cushy bed, practically dying of hunger.

5 minutes and several painful stomach growlings later, I had gotten up, gotten dressed, and headed out of my bedroom door, dreading what uncomfortable, to say the least, confrontation awaited me.

**AN: Yeah, I know that Bella's moods are practically bipolar at the moment, but, hey. She's a teenage girl that just lost the love of her life AND she has mood swings. Give her some slack!** **Gawsh. Readers, I beg of you! REVIEW PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yeah I'm pretty much desperate. And crazy. AND PROUD OF IT!**


	10. Confrontation

A/N: Omigosh!! Soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo sorry it took me forever to update! My Internet completely broke! I wasn't able to get to for months! I almost died. I swear. Please don't hate me! Here's the next chapter!

BPOV:

As I padded down the cold marble stairs, I started to think of the possible places in this mansion where I could get some food. _Need... food..._ I sent out my thoughts loud and clear, hoping to get some help from James, but no luck.

Still sending out these mindless, droning cries for nourishment I reached the bottom of the staircase. Unsure where to go from there, I looked around. My eyes landed on the door I had seen previously. Duh. The kitchen.

As soon as I thought of this, a cold feeling seeped into my senses. Not a temperature cold, but the cold you feel towards someone you hate. Like how I felt towards James. I pushed the feeling to the back of my brain and started toward the door.

I silently chastised myself for not thinking of it earlier. _Gawsh. I'm starving and I can't even think of the one room in the house that is universally known for having food in it. _I guess malnourishment can really affect the way my brain functions, or rather, how it doesn't.

By the time I had finally reached the kitchen door, the cold feeling had intensified so I could no longer ignore it. My brain was working enough for me to link the feeling with James. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if he was on the other side of the door.

I reached for the handle, but I couldn't quite make myself turn it, leaving my hand hovering above it. Why had James seemed so jumpy that one time I questioned him about the kitchen? Was there some horrible secret he didn't want discovered?

I decided that I couldn't care less, and with one final mental urging, I placed my hand on the handle and opened the door.

Despite my earlier statement, I jumped in my skin and let out a little scream when I saw James sitting at the ornate, carved table in the middle of the kitchen.

Well hello to you too. James said with a smirk. 

I sent him a deathly glare and was about to think of a witty remark when my stomach replied first with a large growl. Instead of laughing at my human function like Edward would have done, (a sharp pain accompanied thinking his name) James sent me a look of disgust.

_Well excuse me for being human!_ I thought clearly. James just rolled his eyes.

I refused to talk to James any more than I had to, so instead of asking him where the _human _food was kept, I marched past him over to the very expensive looking refrigerator, yanked it open, and nearly fainted right there on the hard, checkered floor.

I was _not _prepared for what I saw. For there, lined up on every shelf of the fridge, were clear pouches of blood. I didn't need to waste my breath asking if it was human or animal.

As I steadied myself, gasping, James started to laugh. Not the cold, humorless laughs I had heard before, but a full, booming one, as if he actually enjoyed this little scene that I was creating.

I slammed the door of the fridge shut and wheeled around so I was facing James.

"How is this _funny?_" I questioned, nearly shouting.

He was still laughing, though softer now. Even though the volume of his laughter had decreased, his quiet laugh made me madder than ever. I stalked over to where he was sitting and planted my hands firmly on the table, my anger helping me to keep my self from barfing.

"I am so glad I'm able to provide such a lovely form of entertainment for you, James." I hissed, trying to imitate those scary quiet tones I had read so much about. "But," I continued, "has it ever occurred to you that while I am capable of providing a nice laugh once in awhile, at my expense, I am still a person with feelings and fears and anger?" James had stopped laughing now, his face had taken up the briefest glimpse of surprise, I assume from being stood up to by the weak human, and then a stony indifference. I briefly congratulated myself on this small victory of surprising the big bad vampire and then leaned in closer and continued my little rant.

"And that I have already been through enough torment by your hands, and I don't need excess pranks from you because my life is already hell as it is because of you. So next time you think of upsetting me in ways that will possibly scar me for life for your entertainment, just, don't!" I was close to tears now and turned away from James's beautiful but cruel face and stalked towards the kitchen door, hungry stomach forgotten. To heck with food! I could feed off my fury.

I wanted to try and shout one last insult at James before I stormed up to my room, but instead of still being at the table when I turned around, James was about 3 inches away from my face, trapping my body between him and the wall. Curse him and his super speediness! His face was still set in stony indifference but I could swear that his eyes were two flaming direct portals to Hades. I hoped he couldn't feel the lurch of feel he triggered in me. I didn't want him to know that I was afraid. But of course, when you share a mind with someone, secrets are hard to keep.

"Is that what you really think? How you really feel?" He spoke through barely moving lips. He was able to master the scary quiet thing much better than I could.

It was my turn to laugh. I realized that I was, quite literally, laughing in the face of death. I could've cared less.

"Of course that's what I think, James! You are so obsessed with getting your pointless revenge on Edward that you don't care who you hurt in the process. Oh, who cares if you emotionally scar me for life? Nope! Everything's perfectly okay as long as you're able to hurt Edward. Do you know that Edward's not the only one you're hurting? I'm sure it kills the entire Cullen family to see Edward so depressed. And then Charlie and Renee! And don't even get me started on Mike—"

"You know, this isn't a picnic for me either!" James shouted back.

"You could've fooled me!" I retorted. "You just stroll around all day, in your millionaire mansion, getting revenge on one of the most heavenly beings on Earth, and extracting every ounce of self control that I have. How could this possibly be unpleasant for you in any way?"

"Well, for starters, I have to live with a whiny human girl who won't shut up, and I have to share my mind with her, on top of everything else!" I made sure that I contorted my face into a fitting expression of anger at this remark. "And I have to listen to her depressing thoughts day after day about how much she misses her vampire sweetheart." I was about to remark to this but James resumed talking.

"News flash, Bella! You're not the only one who's missing someone right now!" This stopped my words cold in my throat.

"Who are you...oh!" I gasped as I realized whom James was talking about. Of course. James's mate Victoria. I lowered my eyes from James's face as I thought about this new fact. I was assuming that he loved Victoria as much as I love Edward.

_I still love her._ James thought. His tone was fierce, undoubtedly because he was protecting the one he loves.

I couldn't bring myself to look into James's eyes, so I settled with staring at his shoulder. Then a thought occurred to me.

_If you love her so much,_ I began,_ then why are you bothering to separate yourselves? If you gave up this whole plot for revenge, you could go back to her. You're doing this to yourself. Causing your self this pain! If you'd just get over it, you could—"_

"I can't get over it!" James shouted, startling me. We both just stood there for an unknown amount of time. We were both breathing heavily, with heaving chests, and James was looking into my eyes fiercely, and I ferociously held his gaze.

"Why?" I whispered. It was at this point that I realized how close James and I were. I could tell that he noticed it too, because images of our previous encounter flashed through both our minds. I felt shivers of unease run down my spine, and I could feel James's disdain. But the feeling was a bit thick and overdone, as if it was a decoy, masking another more serious feeling... I decided not to pay attention to the fact and waited for James to answer.

As a faint grin flitted across his face he let out a short laugh and turned his back to me, breaking our eye contact.

"It's...hard... to let that problem of mine go." James finally answered. He turned back to face me and looked frantically in my eyes as if he was searching for something, begging me to understand.

"When I was being recreated, I didn't have any thoughts for awhile. I only had primitive feelings beside the pain. Only one feeling actually, hate. Later on, the feeling of hate formed into one thought: _I hate Edward. This is all his fault._ During that time, it was nice to have something to blame the pain on. I repeated those two sentences over and over in my head, as if they could shield me from the pain some. Of course, they didn't, but by the time the transformation was over, they had become a part of me. My motivation. Although I know better, it still seems like those words kept me alive through that time. That is one of the greatest services anything could ever do for me, ease the pain. So, after all the time the thought had to latch itself into my consciousness, well, now it's really hard to let it go. So hard." James finished with a whisper. "Can you get that?" He asked somewhat eagerly.

I chewed over my answer for a minute, and then replied. "Yes, I get it," I began slowly, "But I still think that's horribly wrong!" James took on a look of surprise. "If you're able to admit you have a problem, you should be able to fix it, not just sit and mope around how sucky it is that you're horribly deranged, while all the while people are hurting more and more! It's disgusting!"

If I was in this situation under normal circumstances, meaning having this conversation with a non-vampire who hadn't messed up my life, I might have regret saying all that. I would have seen reason. After all, James just admitted one of his deepest, darkest secrets to me, and only to help me understand why he was doing the horrific deed that he was doing. He didn't have to tell me any of this. But he _was_ a vampire. And he _did_ mess up my life, perhaps irreparably. I was too enraged to see any reason at all in the situation.

So I said what I said. So, I had no excuse that I was surprised when James started trembling. And not just the little angry tremors, but the Jacob type. I half expected James to turn into a werewolf right there.

Of course, when James starts trembling massively, it doesn't mean he's going to morph into a Wolf, it means he's going to hit something. Hard. I could tell because of the lethal brain waves he was sending my way. For a brief second, I thought about trying to defend myself, or run away even. But being with James had brought memories from the ballet studio up to the surface, and I knew that it would be a fruitless attempt.

In reality, James's action of lifting his hand to whack me hard across the face, the action that would with no doubt snap my neck and end my now doleful life, took no more time than a few seconds. But to me, unlike the fast moment in the parking lot years ago, this moment stretched out. I guess it was because I knew it would be the last moment of my life. I was a bit afraid, I admit, of the pain. And I was utterly heartbroken that now, I wouldn't even have a chance to see Edward again. But I wasn't surprised. After all, I had brought this upon myself. If only I had kept my big mouth shut. But I didn't regret what I said. It's time James saw some reasoning other than his own.

I did think he was better than this, though. Trying to kill an innocent human girl with a slight ahem temper. Again. But whatever. It's his life.

A roar of frustration extracted me from my thoughts. My brown eyes snapped up to meet James's fiery red ones, and the slow motion moment ended. In all of one second, James's hand came down, I felt a sharp crack of pain, and everything went black.

A/N: All right, that's the end of that chapter. Sorry if it sucked. I hope the end's not too much of a cliffhanger. I would hate it if any of you guys were sitting on the edges of your seats, mentally cursing me for not writing a longer chapter. (Heh-heh, yeah right!) I'm sorry if the whole mood of the chapter shifted near the end. I wrote most of it listening to Never Too Late (an EXTREMELY awesome song) by Three Days Grace, and then the last bit listening to an episode of Good Eats (A v. entertaining show) on Youtube. Did you guys ever think that Never Too Late would be a good song to make a New Moon music video to? (As soon as they make the movie. Which they had BETTER!!) Think about it: At the beginning, it could show Bella looking all heartbroken, crying and whatnot. Walking around school, staring at nothing particular in her room, an empty shell, and then as soon as the chorus hits, BAM! A flashback of the break-up in the forest. Then for the second verse, it could switch to Edward's point of view after he leaves, the regret and hurt on his face, and how he'll hardly talk to his family, maybe even a close-up of Alice looking sad/angry. Then for the second chorus, Edward turns back to the forest, about to go back, when he has memories of Bella, all happy, kissing him, ECT. And his memory sequence ends with a memory of Bella broken in the ballet studio; Edward shakes his head and walks away. (Or runs. I'm flexible.) For the bridge, it shows Bella and Jacob, the whole motorcycle thing, and then him saving her from Victoria. The bridge part of the song ends with Bella, Jacob, and Alice, when Bella decides to leave to save Edward. (Yay!) The slow part of the song between the end of the bridge, and the beginning of the third chorus, could show Bella and Alice, anxious on the plane. Then, the third chorus could show Bella running, slow-motion (of course) to Edward. By the time the song ends, she's hugging Edward, in the second before the Volturi come.

THE END 

Yeah, I kind of put some thought into that flimsy idea. It's probably kinda stupid. But whatever. Sorry for dragging this author's note on for forever. Well, sorry again for the long time in between updates, and PLEASE REVIEW!!! Ah, yes, it's that time again where I fall down on my face, desperately and shamelessly, (Although I'm sure I'll be embarrassed later) and beg for reviews. Please don't let this begging be in vain. Sheesh! At the rate I'm going, my note will be longer than my chapter. Sorry. Okay, I'm really ending the author's note now. Really. Right...

NOW!


	11. Lucky Charms

Ello! Sorry I take so long to update! I just found out that I have this disease: ORD. Obsessive Reading Disorder. It won't let me do anything other than sit around and read. So, as you can imagine, it's gotten kind of hard to settle down and write a chapter. Plus, school just started. This is my first weekend. And I'm using my Saturday to write a new chapter. But I don't mind. I have a very poor social life due to ORD. So, here's my next chapter! Hope you like!

BPOV:

When I first woke up, I didn't move, I didn't open my eyes, and I barely even breathed. I was too terrified to do anything. Anything that would let me know of the mess I had gotten myself into this time.

So I just lay there in a cold sweat, stiff as a board with my eyes screwed shut, my breath coming in short ragged gasps.

All the while, behind my closed eyelids, I kept on seeing swirls of color, forming into different patterns. Each color merged into another, kind of like a common screensaver, or a sunset on fast-forward. But the strange thing was, each color represented an emotion.

Don't ask me which color represented what feeling. I was too preoccupied with my thoughts to notice. My other thoughts, or rather, thought, being _Is this heaven?_

I didn't know. I certainly hoped it wasn't, because there was no sign of Edward residing in the smoothly altering colors. Besides, Edward aside, I expected there to be some source of light. Well actually, more of a blinding light. After all, heaven was a representation of all things good, I'm pretty sure that involves light. And, of course, Edward.

I let myself think his name now. After all, since I was dead, what did it matter if I thought his name? I think it hurt so much before, because even though the situation seemed pretty much impossible, there was always a slim possibility that Edward and I would be reunited. And that possibility wasn't happening. There was nothing I could do about my situation now. No way Edward and I could be together now that I was dead and removed from the Earth. Surprisingly, this took away the pain instead of creating more. It gave me a sort of brittle peace that would snap into a thousand pieces if I let myself think about it too much.

Since I had ruled heaven out, my thoughts turned to the possibility of hell. But this didn't seem what hell would be like. I imagined pain. Excruciating, backbreaking, unbearable torment. At least the type of pain you get when you stub your toe, even. Not...colors.

All I could come up with for my present location, now that I had ruled out heaven and hell as my present location, was an empty middle dimension, caught in between the two. In a way, it was worse than hell, because while there was no pain or fire, there was just all these colors, swirling, and meshing. If this was what I was stuck in for all eternity, I'd probably go insane. That's almost as bad as physical pain. Not being able to escape your own insanity.

Heaven, hell, or middle dimension aside, it finally sunk in that wherever I was, Edward wasn't here. This thought changed my attitude from accepting and passive to rebellious and objectionable.

I fought my way out of that dimension. I clawed if there was anything to be clawed at; I kicked in case there was anything I could damage. I'm pretty sure I screamed at the top of my lungs a couple of times, anything to break out of this Edwardless place. I felt exhausted after awhile, but I would not give up. The thought of even having the slimmest possibility of seeing Edward again kept me going.

Obviously, I had already decided by this time that I was dead, so I was not at all prepared for the possibility that when I finally opened my eyes, I would see my current bedroom in James's mansion. Which is exactly why, when I saw said room, I was so surprised that I fell off my bed. Not. Pleasant.

I was going to end the chapter here, but it wasn't much of a cliffie, and then I thought, wouldn't that be a little short? And shortness aside, wouldn't some of my readers track me down and set my house on fire if I ended it right here? So, for all of you pyromaniacs out there, here's more of the chapter!

For a couple of minutes I just lay in a rigid heap on the floor, amazed that my heart was still beating.

After I got over the initial shock that I was still alive, I let my tangled, sweaty, pitiful body relax. Several deep breathing exercises later, I was able to pull myself up onto my bed. I realized I was shaking. I didn't care.

Thoughts started to run through my head faster than Jasper when I gave myself the paper-cut. _How can I possibly be alive? Didn't James kill me in the kitchen? Bash my head in, or something?_

I ran over the events that happened in the kitchen in my head.

James was being terribly immature and tricked me into facing a fridge full of blood. I snapped and started yelling at him. He got angry (my intent) and yelled at me back. I was trapped between him and a wall, and I saw his fist come at me, which was supposed to end my life, and then blackness.

So, apparently, regardless to my earlier reasoning, I was in fact, not dead, and, to my extreme regret, I was still hungry. REALLY REALLY HUNGRY!!!!!!

How could I be thinking of hunger at a time like this, you might ask? Well, normally I wouldn't be pondering my need for nourishment while I was trying to figure out why I wasn't DEAD, but I hadn't eaten in days, and my previous attempt at getting food was marred by a near death experience.

All these reasons considered, I was simply ecstatic to find that on the computer desk across the room, there was a box of Lucky Charms and a jug of milk.

I swear, I have never run so far without tripping in my life. Especially not for some nasty sugary crud like a box of Lucky Charms. But right now, I think I loved the sight of that nasty sugary crud more than I loved Alice. After all, I couldn't eat her could I? At this point, I probably would've sold my soul for a bowl of that cereal. Hooray for will- power!

I had already unscrewed the cap off of the milk and poured it into the provided bowl when I noticed that there was a note on the top of the cereal box. I read it in my head.

_Bella,_

_I'm out hunting. Again. I hope you find this food satisfactory, because it's the only human crud I have in this mansion, if you can believe that. You're probably wondering why you're, for lack of a better word, alive. Will explain later when I get back._

_James_

The paper had numerous smudges and was torn in two places from excessive erasing. I laughed without humor to myself. James had no trouble with ripping my life apart and often replying with witty remarks, but he struggled over what appeared to be a cool and collected note, which took more time than it should've to write, from the looks of the telltale eraser marks.

Although he didn't directly write it, I could sense the tension and shame that James was feeling when he wrote the note. I could feel that he was sorry for almost killing me (odd) and the box of Lucky Charms was a laughable attempt to apologize for it.

Ha! So he thinks that he can make up for almost _killing _me by giving me a box of Lucky Charms and a jug of milk? The cereal isn't even that good! Well, I'm not even gonna eat his nasty cereal. I will go back to my bed and watch TV or sleep some more, or something, _anything_ other than eating his poor peace offering. Because, even though my stomach is eating itself, and I'm sure that I'm about to implode, I still have dignity. And regardless of how diminished that dignity may be, I will not, I repeat, WILL NOT eat his repulsive cereal.

These were the thoughts running through my brain as I dumped half the box's contents into the bowl, picked up some with the spoon laid beside it, and started to shovel it into my mouth like there was no tomorrow.

What are you doing Bella? I mentally screamed at myself as I started chewing. What about pride? Dignity?

I tried to push the voice to the back of my head so I could eat in peace, but it wouldn't shut up.

HELLO!!! It screamed. YOU ARE SELLING YOUR DIGNITY FOR A BOWL OF FRICKIN' LUCKY CHARMS!!!!!!!

I quite agreed with the voice, but at the moment, I didn't care that my pride was slowly spiraling down the drain. I was hungry!

I needed something to distract me from the voice in my head that wouldn't shut up, so I carefully walked over to the bed and pushed the button that brought the TV screen up and turned it on. The TV was set on a news channel. I did not expect to see what I saw on there.

There was some random news guy talking about a massive search party in Forks, Washington. He continued to say that nearly the whole town was involved. Even at the very moment, the residents of Forks and La Push were searching all around for the missing girl.

At this point, the photo that I had taken with Edward showed up on the screen. I almost spewed my cereal.

After the showing of my picture, the news guy cut to a live film clip of Charlie, begging for anyone who had any information of my whereabouts to contact him immediately.

I scrambled to get closer the TV screen, as if the image could bridge the distance between us. It was night, as far as I could see, and he was standing in our front yard. Of course, it was raining. But even the heavy raindrops couldn't disguise the fat tears rolling down Charlie's cheeks. He didn't even try to hide them.

It was only when I tasted salt that I realized that I had started crying along with Charlie. In the background, I saw another tearstained face, Renee's. Phil was there holding and comforting her.

I pressed my fingertips to the screen, trying to get closer to my suffering parents in any way I could.

Charlie switched tactics from asking anyone for information to begging for me to come home. He thought I had run away, I realized with a gasp. Well, technically I had, rushing to save Edward, and it wasn't until I was on the plane that I had realized that I wouldn't be coming back to Charlie. I knew it would hurt him, but there was no way that I could've imagined the pain and sorrow etched into his features.

Charlie was called out of the frame by a familiar voice. Billy was there, and Charlie bent down so he could whisper something in his ear. Almost immediately, Charlie's head shot up, and his face had a new determination on it, as if he had just been given a new lead. Wiping his tears away, he said a brief farewell to the camera, and then ran over to Renee and Phil to tell them the mysterious news.

All at once, they ran over to the police cruiser, and with Charlie at the wheel, sped out of the driveway.

The screen cut back to the newscaster, but not before I could see the broken face of the person pushing Billy's wheelchair. Jake. My Jake was hurt; emotionally at least, and it was all my fault. With a jolt, I remembered that Jake was probably the only one besides Billy and the pack (who he would've undoubtedly told) who really knew the circumstances of my disappearance. The expression of hurt that he was wearing was so much deeper and heavier than the one I'd seen the day I had left. And also this expression had something different, it had hopelessness and regret. It was if I had died rather than disappeared. But why would Jake look like I had... My eyes went wide as I realized why.

He probably thought the reason that I hadn't come back was that I had found Edward, and he had agreed to change me! To him, I was dead. I was nothing more than a bloodsucker, a leech. I had betrayed the one thing that kept me truly alive over those long weeks of hurt. Or at least it seemed to him. If only he knew what had really happened!

I turned the TV off before the screen could show me any more heartbreaking images. I numbly swung my feet over the edge of the bed and stood up, tears still wet on my face. I tried to blink the rest of my oncoming tears away, but I soon stopped as every time that I closed my eyes, I could see the faces of ones I loved twisted in pain.

This was the last straw. I meant it. This was IT. James had already torn my and the Cullen's hearts to shreds, a deed I already hated him for. But now, so many more people that I cared for, destroyed.

I couldn't bear the thought of all of them in pain. I had to get back to Forks, show them that I was all right. I knew that James could kill Edward, but the Cullens and I would figure out how to protect him after I showed them that I was all right. I had to do all that I could to stop this pain.

James was out hunting, if I was lucky, I could catch a plane out of Alaska before he got back to the mansion and found out I was missing. I knew the plan wasn't very thought out and highly dependent on luck, but I had to do _something._ It was killing me to wait any longer than I had to.

I ran over to my closet and opened the door, grabbing the first warm looking coat and pair of snow boots I could find. Without bothering to see if they matched, I pulled the coat on, slid on the boots, and ran over to the door to yank it open. I was halfway out of the door when I pulled back. I stalked over to the computer desk and grabbed the mostly full jug of milk. I picked it up, walked to the middle of the room, and poured the whole thing onto the hardwood floor. _A little mess for you to clean up, James._ I thought.

I once again made my way to the door but decided I wasn't done being destructive yet. I needed to vent my anger. I stomped over to my bed, picked up my bowl of cereal, and poured it all over the pop-up TV. I then proceeded to chuck the bowl as hard as I could onto the floor. _Then_ I exited my semi-demolished room.

I was sure that the damages wouldn't make a dent in James's funds to replace damaged items, but it still felt good to destroy something of his.

I finally made it to the front door and grasped the handle. I prayed that James wasn't on his way back yet. By the way that my subconscious was feeling, not yet fierce or ready to pounce, I guessed I still had awhile. I hoped that James couldn't feel or hear what I was doing while he was in hunting mode.

I turned my head and took one last look at the entry room of my temporary home. I had to take a second look when my eyes passed over the wall next to the kitchen door. There was a great big hole in it! I knew I shouldn't have, but I walked slowly over to investigate the hole.

It was a smooth circle as if someone had punched it out. Duh. I thought to myself. This is where James's fist landed instead of landing on my head.

I should've been warned of the presence behind me when I felt the icy cold blast of wind on my back as a result of the front door being opened, but I was too preoccupied with the gaping space in the wall to pay it notice. I only straightened up when I heard a voice that let me know I was in trouble.

"Going somewhere?"

Well, that's the end of that chapter. Hope you liked the result of all my blood sweat and tears. Sigh. Umm, I was just wondering, how many of you would kill me (or at least rip my feelings and confidence to shreds from cruel reviews) if I made Bella end up with James instead of Edward? Okay, how many of you would kill me if I made Edward die (er, be destroyed)? Please be kind. And sorry if there are some glitches in this chapter, it's late and I'm too lazy to proof read it.


	12. NOTICE

**NOT A CHAPTER!!!**

For all of you that were hoping that it was a chapter, I'm sorry that I got your hopes up. I hate it when authors do this, because it gets super frustrating, I know. And I'll do it as little as possible, I promise. And I'm NOT crossing my fingers. Or my toes. WHAT?!?!?!

I'm not! Waves hands with uncrossed fingers spastically, knocking over antique, irreplaceable vase over oops. Whatever. ANYhoo, now to the point of this notice: I understand that some of you want me to make it a B&J story, others a B&E. Well, the thing is, I've got a great story lined up for each of those options. So, when it comes to the time when Bella has to choose between the two vampires, I'm going to end Blood Moon, but start two new stories (titles yet to be decided) where Bella's with James in one, and with Edward in the other. Will everyone be happy that way? Please "review" if you have any complaints on this method. I'll try to work the kinks out. And as an apology gift since I got some people's hopes up by this notice, I'll start on the next chapter right now! Wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!


	13. What the?

**HELLO EVERYONE!!!****Um, well, this is the next chapter I guess. Okay, then. (Sucky****A/N, I know.) Oh! Wait!! I forgot to point out that, since James got Bella in Volterra, she** **wasn't able to go back to Forks with Edward, so he was never able to tell her the truth of why he left; therefore, she still thinks that Edward doesn't love her. And yes, I realize he said he loved her when she left with James, but she's still confused, and leaning more towards the conclusion that Edward was just saying that to keep her from James, so she'd be a bit more open to liking James, since she thinks Edward doesn't really care about her anymore. Just saying.**

**BPOV:**

I stood by the kitchen door, motionless, as I waited for James to say more. Nothing. I slowly summoned up my courage, and, hesitantly, I turned around to face him.

Although I was now facing his direction, I wasn't able to bring myself to look up into James's face, opting instead for the marble beneath my feet that had suddenly become fascinating.

We just stood there, frozen, predator and prey, for I don't know how long. It seemed close to an eternity. But after a while, I became tired of being scared. Even though I was more freaked out than ever, I needed to do something other than just stand there, my eyes downcast. So, to start out, I tore my eyes away from the floor with great effort, and glanced into James's eyes. Big mistake.

His eyes were terrifying pools of fire; I was afraid that flaming tendrils would reach out and wrap around me at any moment. They were petrifying. What was supposed to have been a mere glance turned into a full on locking of the eyes.

I couldn't speak. My throat had suddenly gone dryer than a vampire's tear ducts. This was _not_ how my plan was supposed to work out. I mean, come on, I thought I'd at least make it _outside_ the house before I got caught and dragged back to my doom. How pitiful am I?

Under other circumstances, I would have believed that these thoughts would incline James give me a sarcastic grin. A smirk at least. But now, there was no trace of humor on his face. Not even a twitch of his lips. Just a blank, relaxed face. Well, not relaxed, really, I could see the tension brewing under his cool facade and I could most certainly feel it.

I opened my mouth to best answer his question, but no sound came out. I cleared my throat, but before I was able to attempt to answer him again, he gracefully stalked over to me. All chances of responding to James had now disappeared.

With each lithe step James took, I started to shiver a little more, and it had nothing to do with the cold air still blasting in the open door.

Step. Shiver. Step. Shiver. Step. Shiver...

I could only imagine the punishment that awaited me when James closed the distance between us. That only made me shiver more.

He was only three feet away now. I closed my eyes and braced myself for the pain. One minute passed. Nothing. I opened my eyes.

James was right there in front of me, his face a few inches from mine. For a moment, I saw a flicker of hurt pass in his calm expression, and then his face was back to its previous expressionless look. I wasn't able to tell what his emotions were, as my own were so shaken up. But I was able to realize that for the moment, James wasn't causing me any pain, so I found myself letting loose the breath I hadn't known I'd been holding.

I couldn't bring myself to look into his eyes, remembering all too clearly the fiery pits they had been moments before. So I let my eyes drift down from James's face, trying to create the illusion that I was zoning out, while in fact, my eyes were taking in every scintillating detail of James's tan Polo shirt. The fabric started to blur when I discovered that I hadn't inhaled after I let out that first breath. Ah, the affects vampires have on me! Aren't they wonderful?

I hadn't even realized that I had been crying until I felt a cold thumb wipe away one of the many tears on my face. I gasped at not only the sudden cold on my skin, but at the fact that our contact didn't hurt. My eyes snapped up to James's face and locked with his eyes immediately. Although they were the same color, they were softer now, without a trace of the previous anger I had viewed in them.

_What the...?_

Before I could finish my thought, James spun on his heel and headed toward the staircase. He was at the bottom step when I heard the order.

_Come._

Although I knew that it was possible that I might be following the executioner to my demise, I was too curious of why James hadn't done anything rash yet to refuse following him.

Surprisingly, I found that he waited for me at the bottom step, and accompianied me up the staircase, and to my bedroom. Now that some of my original fear had subsided, I was able to feel James's emotions a bit clearer.

He was mostly nervous, and only had the faintest flicker of annoyance in him, probably from my slow speed. But I could also feel that, although the feeling wasn't as dominant as his nervousness, he was also feeling a pretty large dosage of guilt.

I repeat: _What the...?_

We made it to my bedroom and James opened the door for me. I couldn't muster up the courage to shoot him a querying look, so I just bowed my head and walked in the doorway, sending him a feeling of curiosity laced with tension.

Holy crow! _Every_ feeling that was passing between us was laced with tension.

I brusqely walked over to my bed and sat down on the soft matress, grabbing a feather pillow to cling onto for whatever lay ahead. I almost started crying again when I thought of the painful possibilities.

James started to walk over to the bed, to sit next to me, I'm sure, but he seemed to think much better of it and swung around the chair from the computer desk and straddled it, so he was facing me.

A few awkward moments passed where we looked anywhere but each other. I could tell (and so could he) that there was going to be a very meaningful conversation that followed this uncomfortable interlude, if only one of us had the guts to start it.

I figured one of the best approaches could be a simple question.

"Why-?" My voice cracked as a result of my mouth being so dry. I tried to work some saliva into my mouth and attempted to speak again.

"Why?" This time, instead of faltering from lack of moisture, my voice drifted off. There were so many things that could follow that one word. So many questions that could be formed.

_Why can't you see that you're hurting yourself as well as everyone else?_

James's eyes whipped up and met mine, the temporarily dormant fire in them rekindling.

_Why won't you at least try to ease the pain you've caused?_

His fingers tightened on the chair, knuckcles growing white. For some reason, I enjoyed this display that I was putting on; enjoying this little sense of power I had over him. I decided to flaunt it all that I could.

_Why do you get joy out of others' pain?_

I saw shards of pain cut through his fiery menace. I saw him hurting. I lapped it up. The next question, however, was to satisfy my curiosity, not to prod James.

_Why didn't you-?_

"Kill you?" James finished for me.

His voice wasn't at all the vehement rage I expected it to be. It was questioning, similar to mine. His red orbs held with mine for a moment more before he dropped his head into his hands, running his fingers through his hair.

"I don't know." He mumbled softly.

He looked back up, his expression slightly crazed.

"I don't know." He repeated. "I can't explain it. Or– maybe I could try. I just– ugh!" He exsaperatedly exhaled.

His eyes locked with mine as he attempted to explain.

"It's like–" he cleared his throat and then tried again.

"Back there, in the kitchen, I could see how our fight was going to end up, physically, and maybe a little part of me was anticipating the blow, but, when it came time to deliver, I just– I just couldn't. For some reason, it just felt...wrong."

"No! Really?" I replied before I had a chance to think about what I was going to say, my fingers tightening on the pillow.

"You were about to _kill_ me! You know? _Murder? Homicide!_ It's illegal! It's not right to take away someone else's life. It's wrong." I emphasised these last two words.

"Yes, but it's never felt wrong to me before, Bella! That's why I'm so confused!" By now, James off of the chair and pacing around the floor.

"I've never had a problem with it! It used to be as easy as breathing for me!" I raised my eyebrow at this comment. James shot a "You know what I mean!" glare in my direction.

"I used to _enjoy_ killing. It was the final part of the hunts that I put myself on. The time where I could drag out my victim's pain for as long as I pleased! The Grand Finale. I killed many, many people, vampires and humans alike, and I never batted an eye. And then it comes time to kill once again, and _you_ of all people! Someone who's closely related to the vampire that caused me so much pain, and I just _couldn't?_ It doesn't add up!" James had paced over to the bed now, and despite my flinching away, he kneeled down in front of me. In a way, humbling himself in front of me, to try and help me understand.

"Bella," he whispered, his eyes almost frantically searching mine, "it's like you gave me a conscience. No," he corrected himself, " Not_like _you've given me a conscience, you _have _given me a conscience. I've never had one before, or I hardly did, even when I was human! It feels so...strange."

I could feel James's emotions reaching out, prodding me, begging me to understand. And in a way, I did. As much as I hated it.

"And stranger yet," he continued, "who should be the one to give it to me, but a regular, run of the mill human? Not some great philosopher, or extraordinary leader, but just some common, unspecial human?" I tried to make myself be offended by these descriptions, but there was nothing to be offended about. What James had said was simply...the truth.

"But that's what makes me think, Bella." He went on. "You _are_ special. So very, very special..." James's voice drifted off, and while some of me was enjoying the turn this conversation was taking, most of me didn't. Guess which part spoke up?

"No. I'm not." I replied with and icy tone that brought James back to attention.

"I_am_ regular. I _am_ run-of-the-mill. And I _am_ just as unspecial as you first percieved me to be." My voice got louder with each sentence and James's eyebrows drew together in annoyed confusion that I had ruined the "moment" that he thought he had created.

Now, you may be asking, _why_ am I dissing myself? Well, simply because when I'm dissing myself, I'm disagreeing with James. Which is kind of something I want to be doing constantly. So if it takes a few small blows on my self-confidence, so be it.

"But I'll tell you one thing I'm not, James." I leaned in closer, and his expression became more guarded. "I'm _not_ a follower. So all this 'I'll come quietly and obediently' stuff that I've been pulling? Yeah, it's going to stop. Right. Now." The truth was, I really didn't have much of a problem going along with what people told me to do. But when it came to defying James? Goodbye Good Bella and hello Rebellious Teen!

James's face had turned back into its impassive form that I knew so well. But his time, it had a bit of cleverness to it. Like he knew he had something that could make me look incredibly stupid.

"You're not a follower huh?"

"Right." I replied in a clipped tone.

"Then why did you _follow _me out of Volterra? Why did you _follow_me to this house? Why did you _follow_ me up here, just now, then?"

James was smirking. I was speechless. Not because I had nothing to say, but because i thought that the answer was so obvious, that James didn't need to waste his uneeded breath to pose the question.

"Because I didn't want to make you angry!" This sentence finally broke through to me the way that I had been living. In James's shadow.

"I don't want to have to live like that!" I continued. "Worrying all the time whether or not you're consolable, knowing the result of your emotions could decide whether I live or die! It's positively draining, and, not to mention, it kind of takes a toll on little things called _pride and dignity!"_

James stood up, towering over me, so I decided to stand up too, throwing the now useless feather pillow aside.

"Well," he said, "if you hate it here so much, then why don't you just leave? The door's right there!" He jabbed his thumb over his shoulder.

I spluttered. Finally, I was able to get out a sentence. "Because you'd _kill _me! Well, okay, scratch that, we've already determined that you're too much of a wimp to end my misery, so you'd probably just chain me up somewhere!" _Bella, Bella, Bella._ I chided myself. _Gambling with your life. Tsk. Tsk._

I knew very well what I was gambling with, but right now I was too hotheaded to care.

"Exactly!" James replied, shouting now. "So now that we've established the fact that there are no means of escape for you from this _horrible_ lifestyle, I guess you're just going to have to suck up your attitude and deal with it!"

Unconsciously, I'm sure, James and I had been punctuating our words with actions, moving our bodies closer together to create an effect of invading each other's space. But now, the result was, instead of either of us being intimitaded by the other, our faces were a maximum of one inch apart and we were both breathing heavily, our chests rising and falling, blowing our sweet scents into another's face.

James's expression softened, and then hardened again with annoyance, as if he was peeved that he would let me get to him like that.

He let loose a string of profanities of the less colorful sort, turning on his heel and striding angrily out of the room, slamming the door behind him and almost tearing it from its hinges.

I stood there for about a minute, still shocked and appalled at myself of what had almost happened. Seriously, we had almost kissed. Again. I thought I had gone through this with myself already! I _hated_ James. He completely ruined Edward's life, the Cullen's life, pretty much the lives of everyone I loved. And still, I had been ready to kiss him. Almost anticipating it in fact. I was sure to hide these emotions from James as they ran through my head.

"Ugh!" I exclaimed, turning around to my bed and looking for anything that I could throw. My hand closed around the ever-present pillow. I chucked it at the wall 1 foot away so hard that it bounced back and hit me in the face. I was way to angry to laugh, but I had a sneaking suspicion that I would look back on this moment and almost crack a rib from hysterics.

I was broken out of my thoughts by the bedroom door opening and James coming through it. He had an odd look on his face, a mix of determination and passion. Strange. He was stalking over to where I was standing next to the bed.

A series of emotions ran through me, both his and mine.

"What're you–?"

Before I could finish my question, James's lips were on mine, hard and yet flexible, his arms wrapping around my waist pulling me closer to him.

His icy lips were scorching, like fire, and yet, I couldn't get enough. I brought one hand up to the back of his neck, pulling him closer to me, and let my other hand knot in his feathery-soft hair. He gasped at my eager cooperation, bringing our lips apart for no more than three seconds. Even that was too long. We both seemed to agree on this.

While I pulled James's lips back to my own, he started kissing with a newer, more intense fervor. With his arms still around my waist and my arms now locked around his neck, we sank down into a sitting position on the bed. Our emotions were raging and untamed, like a forest fire. Our feelings entwined and wrapped around each other, dancing, the flames playing with one another.

I'd never had a kiss like this before in my life. Certainly not with Edward. _Edward._ Edward who left me. Edward who broke my soul into so many pieces. Kissing James gave me no guilt, only a renewed passion, and a restored heart.

This new realization made me feel triumphant in a way. It let me know that I could get over anything. _But for leaping over a hurdle so huge, where was the trophy for my victory?_ My mind snapped back into stimulating detail of the vampire holding me in his arms. _Oh. Right._

I smiled a little as I tenatively ran my tongue along James's sleek bottom lip, and I felt a growl of satisfaction from deep down in his chest.

It wasn't until I tasted something sweet that I realized that venom was dripping off of James's teeth. I reluctantly broke off the kiss quickly, but made sure I was looking into James's eyes. As far as I could tell, neither of us were embarrassed by what just happened, we were more on the side of flustered. I saw a slightly apologetic look on his face, on account of the major-venom-producing thing. We were both breathing heavily, with faint smiles on our faces.

"That was..." I said breathlessly.

"Wow." James finished for me.

**A/N: All right! That's the end of this chapter (I'm sure you couldn't of guessed as much since you're reading an Author's Note instead of more BxJ making out)! I hope I didn't do too horribly. The truth is, I've never had a kiss. Or a boyfriend. Of any sort. Whatsoever. Please don't think me pathetic! I'm only in my early teens. Anyway, the point of that little confession was to soften you up about the kissing scene. I hope it didn't suck. I just read A LOT of Fan Fiction, and I tried to make it as suitable as possible. So, I hope you people yearning for something different than BxE are happy. And I hope you Edward lovers are restraining yourselves from burning my house down. And relax! You know (if you had read the last "chapter") that Bella is going to end up with Edward...in one story at least. MOO-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA- cough cough HA- wheeze HA! PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEZ review! It'll only take a couple of seconds... or minutes, you know, if you want to do a long one... Just saying!**


	14. With the Cullens

**A/N: And we are BACK with the Cullens! Enjoy!**

**EPOV:**

At first, I didn't hear the incessant knocking on my bedroom door because of the music I had been blasting. Well, I probably did hear the annoying tapping noise, but I just didn't care to distinguish it from the Metallica that was blasting through my speakers. I should be happy for that at least. I had been working toward a goal of being brain dead ever since I had come home. If I let myself think at all, my thoughts would only take me to Bella. And I'm not sure if I could take dwelling on that pain again. I'm not sure what it'd do to me. I'd probably go insane.

The music by human standards was impossibly loud. So of course, to anyone with a vampire's senses, it was nothing short of painful. But I deserved the pain. After doing whatever I did to drive Bella away from me. I can't believe I hurt so much as to scare her off from me and my family. I've hurt more than one vampire by being as careless as I was.

I couldn't think of her anymore for the moment. The burning pain that came with thinking of her had built to an unbearable point. I let my body go limp on the couch. Trying to focus on the pounding rythyms and the harsh guitar, trying to let the beats pound out all of the thoughts in my head.

After the last song had played, in the silent void where I mostly feel dissapointed that the music has stopped, my ears focused once again on the constant tapping. It was a steady beat, but it didn't sound much harsher than if someone was tapping the the door with their fingernails. It also went at about the same pace.

The tapping was the most lively thing in the house ever since Alice I got back to the mansion. Alice couldn't help but feel the way I do (except not as badly, I'm sure) and Emmett's no longer the bouncy vampire he once was, and he's completely lost his childlike disposition. He hasn't laughed in who knows how long. This of course, makes Rosalie angry (which is not pleasant for anyone) not to mention she already feels guilty enough about this entire ordeal. Carlisle, being the man that he is, has not spent extra long hours at the hospital, or used his work to distract him from the pain at home. Most evenings he comes back to a quiet house, solely to comfort Esme, and the rest of us. But Esme is the one who we all feel needs the most comfort. She's the last one in the house any of us would want to see unhappy. Esme had been positively distraught, although she tries not to show it. But we can all notice the way her habitual grace is forced now. And how her soft smiles don't reach her eyes. At least, this is what I've overheard in Alice's thoughts, since I've barely come out of my room the entire time we've been back. And of course, all these moods are heaped on to Jasper. He spends more time hunting now. In fact, at the moment, he is. He doesn't like to be away from Alice, but sometimes this household is too much for him.

The tapping pulled me out of my unwelcome thoughts and brought me back to the empty world I was doomed to suffer in. I could tell it was getting louder and louder by the second, and harsher, my door would probably find itself with several new dents by the next day.

I would have ignored the tapping until it went away if it hadn't of been accompianied by Alice's thoughts. Normally, I would've just ignored her thoughts also- what could they matter?- only skimming them to see if they had any further news of her vision, but now, her thoughts were laced with an urgency, an emotion different than the normal depression, frustration and anger in this house, and in that way, the urgency was welcome.

I almost called for Alice to come in so I could find out the cause of her feelings, but I couldn't quite make myself care enough to find out. So instead, I just found a spot on my ceiling to stare at.

Why did Alice even bother to ask if she could come in? And why did she even think that her coming in to talk to me would make any difference in how I felt, aside from a vision update?

I sat up quick enough to make a human's mind whirl.

Could that be it? Did Alice see something else in the meadow? I had to clear my throat once to make it work.

"Come in!" I called, my voice flat and hoarse. I didn't need to inject any desperation into it. Alice could already feel that by now.

"Finally!" Alice said, her voice eager and nervous. "Edward, I just had a vision, and-"

"When will Bella be in the meadow?" I cut in. Alice's eyes had a spark of confusion and then realization in them.

"No, Edward." She said, her voice fast. "It wasn't about Bella."

I felt the hope I had been unconsiously clinging to crash down around the same time I sank back down onto my couch, an expression of indifference occupying my face. And then I felt a new emotion. Frustration.

"Why can't you try harder, Alice?" I yelled, desperation now coloring my tone. Her face took on an expression of shock and then hurt.

"For all we know, Bella could be dying, right now, in the meadow, and you would have no idea because you're not even trying to see what's happening to her!" I knew this last part wasn't true, but I felt like I needed to lash out at someone, like that would make some of the pain go away.

"Her body could be burning, or Victoria could be ripping her apart, limb by limb, right now and you wouldn't have the slightest idea!" Alice winced at the picture I was painting, and then her expression turned angry.

"And then eventually we'll all go back to the meadow, and there, if we're lucky, we'll find some torn, bloody remains of Bella while Victoria is laughing it up somewhere, probably with Bella's blood still fresh on her lips, all because-"

"I can't see Bella anymore!" Alice shouted back, surprising me.

"You- you what?" I asked disbelievingly, my chest heaving up and down.

Alice glared at me for one more moment, and then sank to her knees, silent sobs threatening to overtake her.

"I- I've tried to see her." She choked out. "Every single night I look through all the possible paths we could take, but when they get to the point where they involve Bella, then they just," she motioned spastically with her hands, "dissapear. I can't get any farther than tomorrow when it comes to her!"

She looked up from her spot on the floor to meet my now regretful and questioning gaze.

"And every night," she continued, "when my visions dissapear, then it gets harder and harder to try to convince myself that Bella's safe and not tortured or dead!" I wince at this.

"I know that she could be dying or suffering, Edward. I _know_ that! And that's why it's so hard for me to not be able to see what's going to happen next. The _one_ time I become powerless, the _one _outcome that I'm not able to see is the one that can change all of our lives for the rest of eternity."

She stands up now, her chin still minutely quivering, and I try to channel my apolegetic thoughts to her. She gives a curt nod immediately to show that she accepts, and then she starts to exit my room, the grace and bounce somewhat back in her step. Something confuses me, though.

"Alice?" I call, just as she reaches the victimized door. She turns around with a questioning look, her eyebrows raised.

"Just now," I said, locking eyes with her, "you forgave me so quickly. Normally, you need to cool down a bit after one of our fights before you can convince yourself to forgive me. Why so quick this time?"

She seemed to ponder this question for a moment, chewing minorly on her lip. Finally she came up with an answer.

"If there's a needless war between two minor countries," she started, "and they let it last longer than necessary for pride's sake, then they'll be so preoccupied with each others' country, that they won't notice when a larger one comes and blows them both up until it's too late. And even if they did stop fighting soon enough to prepare to defend against the larger country, innocent people would still get hurt, because the countries couldn't come to the same conclusion sooner."

I looked at her for a moment, trying to understand.

She took in a sharp breath. "There's a war coming, Edward. I don't know how soon, and I don't know how large, but I definitely know that it's coming. And I also know that if we let this already fragile family be separated because of bickering, then we won't know that the war has started, until we've lost."

I nodded, understanding now, and somewhat comforted to have such a wise sister. Alice gave me a half smile and started out the door again. But again, a thought nagged me. "Alice."

"Yes?" She replied, not annoyed just curious.

"What _was_ the vision that you were going to tell me about?"

But the sound of tires outside immediately answered my question. Alice's eyes were wide.

"Charlie." She whispered.

A/N: Ooooooooookay, so that was the next chapter. Sorry it took me forever to update!!! Really, I am!!! I'm kind of proud of this chapter, because I just felt "In the zone" tonight. But I know, pride comes before a fall. So, feel free to completely dash my hopes and dreams of becoming a writer and just tell me that this chapter sucked. Well, only if you really think so. And if you could break the news to me kindly, that would be nice too, but… I'm happy to just get reviews anyway! Oh, speaking of which… PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEASE REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! All right, the groveling session of this note is officially over. Oh, wait: PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEASE!! FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT'S GOOD AND HOLY, REEEEVIEEEEEEEEW!!!!!! All right. NOW the groveling session of this note is officially over. Thanks!! Ta ta for now!!!


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